Creature Feature - Komuh (Fluff Muffs)

 Due to our baby sitter being in hospital, there was not play session two weeks ago to inspire another chapter of Draconic Shennanigans so, instead we will have another Creature Feature, this time of the more domesticatable type. What is more, this time I was able to draw and paint(!) a design to go with the fact file this time so we are improving. So on with the show: -

Creature Feature

 

Name: Komuh (also known by their more common name of Fluff Muffs)

Appearance: Komuh are quadrupedal animals about the size of a German Shepherd. They are hoofed and their faces appear some where between that of a small pony and a goat, with large, dewy eyes and long, soft, expressive ears. Their large nostrils are widely spaced and lead back to a large olfactory bulb that is credited with giving them a superb sense of smell. Their lips are soft and their tongues are extremely long, able to fold in their mouths to fit and are often used as basic manipulators, particularly to grasp and draw food into the mouth. However, their most distinguishing feature is their hair, their copious amounts of hair. Indeed, they have been decided as 'perambulating hay stacks'. Each filament is long and covered in the hooks that enable it to be spun into thread. This fiber is know as one of the most sort after fabrics in the galaxy as it is fine, strong, light weight, water and stain resistant, as well as fire resistant and very insulating. Indeed several different forces have standing contracts for the purchase of Komuh wool cloth to be used for cold weather gear and survival supplies. To demonstrate how fine a cloth Komuh wool can be woven into, it is possible to gather a two meter (six and a half foot) wide bolt of Komuh wool and run it through a medium build man's wedding ring. The only disadvantage of Komuh wool is its resistance to accepting any sort of dye, restricting the color range to what naturally occurs. The most common colors are dove grey and dove pink. The rarer and therefore more expensive colors are white and very occasional black. The rarest of the rare is the iridescent dove turquoise, seen in only about one in a thousand. Royal Komuh as they are know, have long been associated with almost divine blessings and are usually kept by either noble families or the ultra-rich, unless the trait spontaneously arises in an unassociated bloodline.

They also molt, continuously. Komuh molt only once a year, for three hundred and sixty five days. It is a necessity of anyone who owns a Komuh to brush them, vigorously, every day. However, seeing as good quality Komuh wool sells for twenty pounds (twenty five point five dollars) per kilo in its raw state, keeping a well cared for Komuh can be something of a money mill.

For those worried by the prospect of mistreatment of Komuh in pursuit of profit, they should bare in mind that Komuh are not as defenseless as they appear. Not only are they ridiculously sure footed, able to scale mountain sides that would be considered suicidal by any right thinking creature, they can also scream - they can scream at one hundred and twenty five decibels. Considering that one hundred and fifty decibels is all it takes to rupture the human ear drum then it is understandable as to why the scream of a distressed Komuh has been known to scramble code the central nervous systems of more delicate or sensitive beings. They also possess an organ in the throat similar to the one that cats use to purr on both intake and outtake of breath, only in the case of a Komuh they use it to scream on both the intake and outtake of breath, resulting in an unending barrage of sound that can rupture soft tissues that are exposed for too long.

Habitat: The Komuh is an unusual being in that it only truly thrives when in partnership with an unrelated species. It is believed that this is an evolutionary adaptation rooted in deep history. It appears that the Komuh was evolving at the same time that an avian super predator was roaming the skies. These 'Thunderbirds' would on occasion snatch Komuh to feed to their young, however, if the Komuh was left alive in the nest it would 'clean up' any debris and act as a living heat pad for the young birds. As such the young in such nests had a higher survival rate, especially as young birds shared many predators with the Komuh, resulting in the Komuh's using their screams to either drive the predators away or alerting the adult birds that all was not well at home. Over centuries this became a symbiotic relationship and has lead to a trait that has continued in the Komuhs even after their original partner went extinct due to environmental pressures. It appears that they have had the fortune to continue to find species that are willing to partner with them down the millennia, resulting in their continued existence. As they are now partnered with sentient species their numbers have blossomed as never before.

In their modern, domesticated form the Komuh are known as affectionate pets and excellent guardians of children. They bound fantastically well with their family unit and are known to hum when contented, a sound that has a beneficial effect on at least the human nervous system, lowering stress and physical stress markers while simultaneously increasing brain activity and the systems for the regulation of inflammation. Further studies are being conducted to discover whether they have a similar effect on other races. Feeding them is easy as they consume kitchen scraps without complaint as well as weeds and will graze down lawns. If anything controlling their eating is the issue and you do not want a bored Komuh in your house as it will start chewing on anything, up to and including the walls. A basic feed to ensure a balanced intake of essential vitamins and minerals is advised but is more of a supplement to their general grazing.

Training is advisable but fairly easy if the time is dedicated to the initial effort. Brushing is utterly essential to avoid a house carpeted with shed fur. However, many civilizations have a purchasing scheme for Komuh fur, in recognition of just how valuable it is.

Food source and Hunting tactics (if any): Komuh are perfect omnivorous scavengers. They possess the full range of dentistry in their mouths and every tooth grows throughout their lifetimes, although the canine teeth do grow at a slower rate, particularly in the females. In male Komuh, the canines grow at a faster pace, in particular during the mating season when they can reach proportions close to what would be considered sabre teeth. These fangs can then be used in utterly vicious battles for the breeding rights. A male Komuh in musk has to be handled with both care and precautions.

Outside of the breeding season, Komuh can and will eat anything, the only substance known to be totally impervious to their efforts is metal. Given enough time they have been known to grind their way through ceramics. Vegetable, animal and mineral are all necessary parts of their diets, although their digestion can handle wood only poorly. Bones are completely essential, not only as a major part of the resources that going into producing their hair but also to wear down their ever growing teeth. Indeed Komuh are one of the few creatures where it is perfectly safe to give them cooked chicken bones as they grind everything they eat to powder before swallowing. However, it should be noted that plastic is NOT a viable food source as it is known to be poisonous to them.

Status: Domesticated. The Komuh is a benign and indeed, often beneficial to their owners. Many worlds have breeding facilities and run schemes where those without employment and those in need, such as the disabled, veterans and the mentally distressed, are granted passes to go and brush the resident Komuh and are granted permission to sell the fur they gather to authorized collection points as an alternative to a handout benefit system. The affection and hum of contented Komuh have a stabilizing effect on those with emotional difficulties and regular contact with Komuh is know to have a beneficial affect on health.

Draconnic Shennanigans - Episode 17

Chapter Seventeen: Isty Bitsy Spider

 "If the entertainment has been to your satisfaction perhaps we can be moving on?" Jeremiah asked as he swung his pack back on to his back. He looked around the cave they had found themselves in. It wasn't as big as some of the caverns they had through recently and compared to the glitz and glamour of the mushroom cave it was outright dull.  The walls, what he could see of them were nothing but brown rock, water worn and runneled by the trickle of water since time out of mind. In the dark water dripped and plopped in unseen pools, the plink plink of droplets dripping from the ceiling to hammer fall on the ever growing piles of limestone below building the slow counter point. Jeremiah squinted into the dark. Really he should be able to see more than this. He turned round, looking for Hat. The zombie-fied moth lay on the floor, twitching and quivering, its antenna fluttering as its normal blue glow fought for control with a burnish golden emanation that was circulating in its system. It stretched out fully on the ground and rubbed at its head with its front legs, a look of true misery filling its eyes.

"Hat! Here!" Jeremiah jabbed a finger at the point of his miter. The miserable moth shook and rattled for a moment more and then the the golden glow was pushed down by some Herculean effort and Hat took off, wobbled through the air and landed on Jeremiah's Hat. Kaelin's head snapped round and her eyes fixed on the ceiling, ears flicked forward to hone in on something she'd heard.

"What is it?" Ulrich asked.

 "I'm not sure," Kaelin muttered, ears twitching.

"Hat? Fetch!" Jeremiah instructed. The giant moth drooped for a moment but the gold was fading more and more from its system. With a buzz that could only be a sigh, it lifted off from Jeremiah's miter and buzzed up towards the ceiling, looping through the dripping stalactites, its glow shining off of all the damp surfaces, casting a blue sheen over the damp rock except one stalactites refused to glow. Its sides were a dull rocky crust that seemed out of place in the wetly gleaming cave. Kaelin swayed from side to side, frowning as the change of angle made her brain know that there was something wrong with that particular stalactite but could quite bring what it was into full focus of her fore brain.

Then the blunt tip of the stalactite opened into a mouth and bit at Hat. The moth dropped in the air as panic sent its wing beat completely off of rhythm, the rocky things fangs clashing together once again just behind it.

"What's that?" Thorian asked, frowning as the 'stalactite' shifted, dropping it full cameo of rocky texture, the branching buttresses rock of its base becoming tentacles that crept and oozed across the surface of the rock.

"I think that is what they call a Cave Octopod," Ulrich suggested, "Risgath's book mentioned them as one of the native predators of the Underworld. Might be related to octopi but there is debate about that."

"Never mind that!" Kaelin snapped, "How do the bleeding things hunt?"

"Usually by trying to drop upon the heads of their prey... Jeremiah step back right now!" Ulrich snapped. The Octopod bunched its tentacles. Jeremiah grinned and didn't move, muttering something that could have been a pray, or not, as he clenched his hand.

The octopod dropped. The jet of embers and sparks roared up, meeting it coming down. Kaelin wasn't sure is the pained whistling noise was its scream or whether it was the pressure release as the things super heated fluids boiled within its skin. It burst on the floor when it landed, smelling like boiled oysters. Kaelin gagged on it.

"Um," Thorian looked at the roof of the cave, "I don't think that can be good." Other shapes were shifting in the shadows of the ceiling, squeezing and squashing between the arches and groins of rock.

 "Time to leave!" Ulrich stated and with one eye on the ceiling he began to run across the cave floor towards the only other entrance visible in the gloom.

 "It's Thorian time!" the orc crossbreed bellowed with a grin, his sword whistling as it left the scabbard. If that was the signal the other squelchy, soft bodied things dropped from the ceiling, bouncing the right way up as they landed. They bounced shocking well, Kaelin having to duck as one came flying towards her. Hat buzzed and fluttered away after Ulrich, apparently deciding that he had the best idea of the lot. Jeremiah opened his mouth to snap at the glowing insect and then, as a cave octopod bounced towards him, tentacles lashing through the air behind it, he thought better of it and set off after Hat, huffing as his boots slapped over the damp stone.

Kaelin leapt away from a group of the bouncing, buffeting things, blowing into Haggis as she did so, aware that the flabby balls of nastiness were closing in on her from all sides. They would have almost been comical, with their bouncing gait and the noise they made, which Kaelin could only liken to the sound of an underinflated football being kicked about, but the snapping, gnashing teeth at one end totally destroyed her desire to laugh. Those fangs were far too big and nasty to be funny.  The circle closed in.

Haggis' blast echoed and hummed through the dark, making the stalactites ring and the shadows shiver. The bouncing, closing noose disintegrated as the cave octopods leapt in every way possible, scattered by the sound, the buzzing thrum of Haggis' music a sensation that they had never had to experience before.

Whooping Thorian perused them, blade sheering through bulgy bodies like a bat through an over ripe pumpkin, sending splatters arching into the air. Several had the misfortune of bouncing into Ulrich's path. Blades glittering, Ulrich didn't slow, making it to the arch way of their exit, leaving quivering masses in his trail. Jeremiah grimaced as his foot came down in one of the unfortunate piles, the noise truly dreadful and the smell was even worse.

"If you have just ruined my shoes..." he grumbled as he passed Ulrich.

"I would have thought those boots of yours need replacing after all the spiders that have gnawed on them," Ulrich smiled, blade striking out to dissect an octopod that didn't get the memo that this dinner wasn't worth the price.

"Yes, well," Jeremiah grouched, "There is such a thing as standards."

"Well if you could leaned a hand here," Ulrich flicked the tip of his swords through another pair of attacking octopods, keeping the line of retreat open for Kaelin and Thorian, "That would be a much higher standard than these things have. But of course, if the great and wise Jeremiah is just too tired to aid a friend in need, then I'm sure that his god wouldn't mind him missing out on a moment or two of distruction."

Jeremiah frowned at Ulrich, sure that he was taking the frack out of him but the reminder that his god wasn't overly happy with him at the moment made him draw himself up and spread his hands wide, muttering a pray for destruction and terror upon the enemies before him. The shadows clawed and writhed up off the floor and out of the gaps between the stalagmites, croaking and groaning like souls in torment, come to gather the damned. The octopods squealed and leapt even higher, bouncing off of the stone around them as they stopped trying to direct where they were going, merely trying to leap away from the horrors that shrieked and billowed after them.

Thorian was whooping and laughing in the middle of the cavern, sword blurring through the air in huge, sweeping arches that sent pieces of octopods flying in all directions. However, none of the others seemed to be able to realize that they should just give up trying to claim this food source and concentrate on the carrion that was now littering the floor and in some places the walls.

Kaelin ducked again as another sludgy ball of bad attitude sailed biting past her ear. She drew in another huge breath and blew. Haggis bellowed and even Jeremiah felt the chill lick up his spine. He stumbled back several paces before he managed to make his legs lock in place. The octopods went into a frenzy, bouncing and leaping away from things that were not even there.

With a final sweep, Thorian dispatched the last of the octopods near him and looked round. The last three octopods were bouncing away between the stacks of dribbled stone, soft, floppy noise the most flatulent retreat ever.

"That was a nice little fight," he grinned and cleaned his sword. As he went to put it back in its scabbard he paused. "What's this?"

Pale blue lights were drifting across the ceiling and the walls, swarming and billowing like skeins of snow in a blizzard. Jeremiah hopped back as a stream of them came scuttling over the floor but the lights parted round his boots and flowed on, piling up on the remains of the octopods, clustering around even the smears of fluids on the floor.

Kaelin stared as the lights piled up and thickened on the floor, their glow ever increasing until it rose up their legs, even while the source stayed trailing and running like water. Taking a risk she leaned down to stare at them even closer.

"They're some sort of bug," she observed, "Their heads are glowing. Rather like fireflies but it's their heads that are glowing not their butts. They also don't have wings. Any idea if they are dangerous?"

"Give me a moment," Ulrich called and fished out the book Risgath had given them. He thumbed through it, the growing light bright enough to read by now if he tilted the book in the right direction. Hat buzzed back to Jeremiah's miter, apparently aggrieved that he was not longer the brightest thing in the room.

"Ah here it is," Ulrich called, "They are kervead, a type of bug which appears to form the bottom of the food chain in the Underworld. They are scavengers and will usually avoid healthy individuals but it is not a good idea to make camps near were there have been large numbers of casualties or injuries in a recent time as they have been known to... burrow into open wounds and they will try to... gain entry into sleeping bodies if something has attracted them in large numbers to an area. The illustrations are fairly graphic." He looked slightly nauseated.

Kaelin sidled her way over to his elbow and peered at the books pages.

"Um," she observed, "Well I've never seen that bone before. Just out of interest and while you have that book to hand, any idea what those pillars of living stone were, you know the ones that tried to turn us into lunch earlier."

"Oh them," Ulrich flicker a few pages over, "Lashers, immobile ambush predators that once they take root can no longer move so they grow those long, whip like tentacles to ensnare prey and drew it within reach of those teeth. According to this they are why the Ash Elves never travel in anything less than a dozen, a single person on their own have no chance against a lasher and as a small group we are still at risk of being taken out by them. Apparently we have been lucky so far as they are usually planted in larger groups than we have come across so far."

"What does all that mean?" Thorian asked scratching his head, frowning, not shifting his feet as the kerveads flowed over his boots and away to get at the food source he had provided.

"It means that if you trip over now these bugs will try to crawl up you nose to make a nest inside your overly spacious skull," Jeremiah called out, his tone not overly pleasant. Ulrich snapped the book shut and turned, ready to throw it at the savage priest but he didn't get that far.

"Oh!" Thorian's eyes went wide, "They like big heads!" He held his arms out and lifted his foot with extreme caution. "I suppose this," he lift his other foot with equal caution, "If the trouble of being such a big guy," he lifted a foot again and set it down with immense care, "Someone always fancies a part of you." He stepped and stepped again, sweating with the effort of not falling over, "Though I still don't understand why those pretty ladies back in big city were asking about my marrow. I don't even like vegetables." He looked up to see their expressions. "What?"

"Where you by any chance in a street where the houses had red lanterns outside their doors?" Jeremiah wasn't able to quite suppress a grin.

"No," Thorian frowned, then brightened, "There was a red candle in the window though."

"That explains it then," Jeremiah turned away with a grin.

"What?" Thorian kept stepping with extreme care until he was out of the shifting, rippling tide, "Explains what?"

"We'll tell you later," Kaelin promised as she stepped up beside them and then they turned to the tunnel to discover that this time Jeremiah had decided to take point, striding down the throat of stone and leaving them to trail in his wake.

"Unlike you to be first into the breach," Ulrich observed as he tucked the book away.

"As you so kindly informed us, these things have a habit of crawling inside wounds," Jeremiah didn't stop, "And I happen to have wounded boots. I just don't fancy having some of these things nibbling at my toes."

"Someone has a thing about bugs," Kaelin muttered as she followed Ulrich into the darker tunnel.

"We may have to remember this fact in future," Ulrich winked over his shoulder at her, "In case our esteemed friend needs to have a lesson or two in humility."

"Not spiders though," Kaelin observed, "He doesn't have a problem with spiders."

"You are quite right there," Ulrich nodded as they bimbled along at Jeremiah's pace, "I have to admit I'd very nearly forgotten about the giant spider he'd had as a pet for a while."

"I hadn't," Thorian shuddered, "It had a hole in its head."

They had all by then recognized the issue with allowing Jeremiah to lead, left by his own devices the priest did not go much faster than an amble, which was rather frustrating when they wished to get on with the day. If nothing else, the memory of the breakfast they had shared with Black Randle was beginning to fade but none of them thought that eating some where that the kerveads were swarming would be a sensible idea. Questions about whether they were going to make to any where today, or even next week, simple dripped off of Jeremiah like water off of a well greased pig and hints that picking up the pace might be a good idea also seemed to have no effect.

Ulrich's patience ran out at last and he tried to barge his way passed Jeremiah with barely a muttered 'excuse me'. Turned out to be a mistake as the priest simply stepped into the way of Ulrich's attempts, bouncing him backwards off of his bulk. However, Jeremiah did not have it all his own way. Ulrich may have acted like a ball being bounced off of a wall but their collision did make Jeremiah stumble slightly, pushing him forward with more than his usual speed. There was a grunt and a soft sound, not unlike the clap of cupped hands and Jeremiah juddered to a halt.

After a moment he wiggled.

A moment after that he wriggled.

After that he writhed.

"Um," he muttered, "Um." He tried breathing in. He tried breathing out. He tried sucking in his girth, which as he didn't have a waist as such but rather more of an equator, didn't help that much.

"Ah," he stopped struggling, "I appear to be stuck." Kaelin sniggered.

"That is all very well," Jeremiah observed, "But unless you wish to take a trip back through the mushroom cave, I suggest you find a way of getting me unstuck."

"Well I suppose we could all just sit here and wait until he thins down enough to become unstuck," Ulrich grinned.

"How long do you think that would take?" Kaelin asked, rubbing her chin, "Couple of months?"

"Oh at least," Ulrich nodded, "Maybe more, maybe less."

Jeremiah growled and fought with the pinch of the rock around him.

"Only problem is that the kerveads would probably smell him long before then and come looking," Kaelin noted, "Now having a couple of dozen of them wriggle up his nose and other possible places, might make him thin down a lot quicker but we would rather be in the way of the kerveads passing though and it sounds like they don't distinguish that well between the trapped and the still mobile. What would happen if we squashed any of them?"

"You would have just painted yourself with a food source and drawn them to you," Ulrich noted.

"And I take it that they would just keep coming, no matter how many you crushed?" Kaelin asked.

"If anything the more you crushed the more would be drawn to you," Ulrich had a quick flick through the book.

"Um," Kaelin rubbed her chin again, "By the sounds of it a war of attrition and not one we could win. So that's not an option. Do you have any butter on you?"

"I am not a lobster!" Jeeremiah exclaimed.

"Unfortunately not," Ulrich ignored him, "Nor any lard, which would have been more appropriate."

Jeremiah growled and wriggled again, muttering swear words and curses. It was not helped by the fact that he could suddenly sense a deep and abiding pleasure at this scene. His own god was looking on and was highly amused by the events. He clamped his lips shut. Now that he had seen his God in all his glory he dared not antagonize him.

"So what to do?" Ulrich muttered, going up behind Jeremiah and leaning back on him as if he was the most well cushioned public leaning post ever, "Can't wait it out, can't butter him up, if we pull him out we'll just have the same problem all over again. Do you have any ideas Thorian?"

Thorian stratched behind an ear for a moment and then he grinned.

"We could try orc magic!" he suggested.

"Oh no!" Jeremiah yelled, "Not that!"

"Oh go on," Kaelin asked, eyes bright, "Tell us more?"

"It goes something like this," Thorian grinned and walked up to the now frantically wriggling Jeremiah, "Righteous boot to butt!"

The blow landed like a thunderclap and Jeremiah, with a tearing sound and a pop like a cork, shot forward down the tunnel, landing in a very undignified heap in the dust. After a moment he started standing up and then stopped.

"My dear Jeremiah," Ulrich grinned, "Is there a problem with your sudden freedom?"

"No, no, everything is fine absolutely fine," Jeremiah's smile seemed only the tiniest smidgen fake as he straightened fully, "But I am afraid that I am going to have to send the tailor's bill to you Thorian as your excessive use of force and total lack of tack have rather render my trousers more airier than they were prior to this moment."

"Er, what does he mean?" Thorian turned to Kaelin in his confusion.

"You ripped his trousers," Kaelin rolled her eyes, folding her arms around Haggis.

"Er," Thorian scratched his head again, "Sorry, you still lost me. What are trousers?"

"Seriously?" Kaelin blinked at him, "You're wearing a pair."

"I am?" Thorian now looked a little worried, finding out that he was wearing a piece of clothing that he had no idea he was dressed in. He started looking about himself, craning his neck to try and check over his shoulder.

"On your legs!" Kaelin exclaimed in exasperation, "Seriously man!"

"Oh you mean mah draws!" Thorian brightened in dawning understanding, "Oh, so that means I've put a hole in his..."

"Yes spare us the details please," Ulrich shuddered, mental images that he did not want to play host to trying to creep in via his imagination. That was the problem of having a very active imagination, sometimes he didn't like what it was imagining.

"My dear Ulrich," Jeremiah smiled, "I was unaware that you found such a little thing as distressed clothing upsetting. I'm sure that we will all make the effort to make sure we do not mention it again. Or could it be that you are uncomfortable with something else? Do you have a little secret that you would like to tell us?"

"You know something, I do have a fair number of skeletons locked in my cupboard," Ulrich's look had gone very flat and cold, "Would you like to know what they are?"

"Oh tell me more," Jeremiah grinned.

"Well, so sorry and all that, old bean," Ulrich suddenly smiled, "But I keep my cupboard locked so you can't. Life can be so full of disappointments, can't it?"

"It can indeed," Jeremiah grimaced, "It can indeed." He turned and started leading the way down the dusty throat of stone again but this time he stepped it out a little more willingly, so at least he had learnt from that mistake. It was still uncomfortably narrow, the rough walls catching at sleeve and pack, making Kaelin hug Haggis even closer.

The opening out of the tunnel was so sudden and unexpected that they stumbled into the cavern before they realized it. The ceiling arched high, the path curved away from them down to their right with two possible paths bending away down to a very recognizable area. Ulrich looked to his left and saw the path way arch up and over a bridge leading to the third exit of the cavern. He looked back to the right and saw a tall pillar of rock look at them with one red eye and then snap said eye shut again and try to be still so hard that it actually vibrated, whimpering quietly to itself.

"We've been going in circles!" he exclaimed, his voice echoing in the large space.

"A circle, a circle," Jeremiah corrected, "It is important to keep these things in perspective, My dear Ulrich."

"Perspective?" Ulrich asked in a dangerously flat and controlled voice, "Perspective? Perspective. Alright, let's try perspective-ing this." He rounded on Jeremiah, "We have spent hours traipsing around a corner of the most dangerous environment on this world, making so much noise I am surprised that we haven't wakened this dead, in fact, we did wake the dead, though where you're magic managed to find them I don't know because usual the scavengers in this place render down even the bones. So we have been announcing to everyone and their mothers that we are here pocking our noses in where they shouldn't be, we have killed several dozen things, had hallucinogenic spores invade our minds and leave us with the gods only know what long term effects and we are no closer to finding out what the hell is the problem down here and we are certainly have no clue about how to fix it, especially as, being male, the Ash elves are more likely to kill us on sight than listen to a word we damn well say. On top of that we have no idea if there is a safe space any where around here to have a rest break. Tell me, have I left out anything in your perspective?"

Jeremiah didn't say a thing, just glared in sullen anger.

"Didn't think so," Ulrich turned his back on him and walked away. Behind him, Jeremiah straightened and putting his hands together, started muttering what should have been a pray but sounded more like a curse. Kaelin's ear twitched back as she followed Ulrich but her attention was focused else where as they stepped on to the wider part of the walk way, where the two possible paths rejoined. Something twitched in her periphery vision and she turned her head. Something was trailing across the ground something that was slithering like a serpent towards...

"Look out!" she yelled and lunged forward, knocking Ulrich over but also rolling them out of the way of the tentacle that whip cracked through the space Ulrich had been in a second later.

"You lot again?" Thorian grinned as he drew his sword, "You lot don't learn, do yah?"

Jeremiah went to step back but then something brushed across the back of his knees. With a yell he jumped forward and as if that was the signal the eyes opened up. Great blinking, red orbs that glared with a hunger and desperation that left the soul cold and then the rest opened up their eyes.

"Oh squit," Kaelin muttered, kneeling, trapped in the circle of predators that had no respect for a fellow carnivore, the lashing, hissing tentacles swaying from side to side as they reared high over head.

"Whoop!" Thorian laughed and lashed out at the one nearest him, sending half a dozen tentacles arching away, twitching and flopping, some of them tumbling over the edge into the lightless depths below. The lasher howled, mouth stretching wide as the one planted beside it struck out, trying to wrap its tendrils around Thorian's sword and arms. "Oy! Get off!"

Jeremiah drew himself up, prayers to his darksome god, chants of death, destruction and desolation, spilling from his lips. The shadows creaked and groaned, hideous moaning that were, at once, both the expression of pain and the cause of even more pain, as the things that were both shadows and something else crawled up out of the dark spaces, their overlong, spindle fingers leaving prints of nightmare on any surface they touched.

Kaelin felt her jaws creak and crack as her other nature jumped forward without permission, instinct seizing her body as her rational mind screamed in terror. There was just something about the shadow forms, lanky, disproportionate anatomy, unstable bodies made of shadow and spite, eyes, where she could see eyes, sightless white orbs that were brim full of a void, bereft of any soul or meaning. They were dead center of the uncanny valley and their manifestation made her want to shriek like a banshee. Locking her teeth together did no good, denied that expression, her terror whip corded back on itself and took control of her body, the change savagely painful after so long being denied and with such a driving force behind it.

Ulrich danced in a web of tendrils and tentacles, twin swords flicking beams of light around the cavern as he ducked and wove through the lashing cracking maze of death. Every time the lashers tried to lay hold of him wasn't where he had been a second before and he punished every failure to grasp him with the sharp edge of bitter, elf forged steel. The lashers screamed and shrieked, shorn off limps tumbling and twitching across the ground in a tangled mass of pain and thick, dark blood, their central columns quivering with agony and rage. They were not used to food that fought back so ferociously and with such success. Bared, backwards curving fangs gnashed and clashed as their eyes popped and goggled with rage at this spinning, swinging, dancing thing that sang as it cut and scored them with its sharp and deadly steel claws.

Thorian stumbled but kept his feet as he was drawn ever closer to the pair of lashers that had hold of his arms and sword. They had failed to grasp his legs, too busy fighting the shadow beings that Jeremiah had summoned, even through their attacks passed through those creaking, groaning masses without result but that was all good, as far as Thorian was concerned. He fought on the end of their cords, tugging and lunging but they relentlessly drew him in. He fought, sweating and grunting as he struggled to keep away from them. There was a malevolent glee in their eyes as he came close, tongues flicking around stone dark lips as he came within breathing space of them.

Then Thorian grinned.

For a second the lashers hesitated, unbalanced by a prey that seemed to quiet enjoy the prospect of being eaten and then Thorian braced himself against their grip and jumped, planting one foot on each of them.

"My turn!" he bellowed and with a heave that could have shifted the world, he wrenched backwards. The lashers screamed as their tentacles tore out at their roots, rock like skin splintering with the popping bangs that preceded a landslide. Dark fluid splashed across stone, one of them collapsing in on itself as it breathed one last rattling sigh. The other, however, was not quite done, one last tentacle still attached, despite its mighty wrenching and it snapped tight, yanking Thorian towards its waiting maw, a raw sound cry of hunger billowing up from inside its throat. Thorian rolled and as it snapped at him he plunged his sword between its crashing teeth. With one last guttural noise it gagged on his blade and was still. Thorian stood, struggling out of the entwining tentacles.

Kaelin shrieked, instinct finally winning out over terror and she threw herself at the closest lasher. Ulrich took a step back as she smashed into it was a bestial sounding roar. The lasher screamed as her claws found its eye. It screamed again, whipping at her and then the great red globe pulled out with a thick sucking sound. Kaelin smashed the orb into the lasher's gaping maw and then slammed both fists down on the top of its conical peak. Not only did the top of its head collapse under the blow, its teeth also snapped together.

"Oh steady on," Ulrich back away with a look of distaste as Kaelin hauled on the remaining whipping tentacles as the lasher choked and throttled. Kaelin's claws drove into the bleeding roots of the tentacles and then she strained, muscles in her face, neck and back rippling as the lashers creaked and screamed. With the noise of tearing meat, it came apart from its base and toppled into the dark beyond the edge of the path, howling as it vanished into the inky depths. Kaelin's roar of victory did not sound like a wolf to Ulrich, more like the great maned cat one of his father's friends had kept in a cage on his land. He cut out the other lasher almost without thought as it reached for him, his focus more on Kaelin as she shook and trembled, the blooded beast beginning to recede from her eyes as Jeremiah's little pets began to crawl back to whatever plain of horror they had come from, sliding into non animated shadows and finally falling silent.

With a whoop of joy, Thorian jumped across the cavern and carved through the last two lashers with a single sweep of his sword.

"How's that?" he yelled with glee.

"Pretty good," Ulrich observed, "If you keep up the practicing, you might one day be as good as me." It was easier to tease Thorian than admit that Kaelin had scared him, she had scared him good. He had almost been joking when he had said to Black Randle about her having some blistering anger manage issues but he had forgotten just how scary it could be when she lost control. Reflecting on it, he released that she hadn't lost control since they had left the Wizard's tower and he realized that he had somehow come to the conclusion that she was better now, that she was in control and the wolf wouldn't be an issue any more. It looked as if he had been horribly, dangerously wrong. The wolf in her was still very much there and it had resented all the time she had managed to kept it on a leash, building up its anger and its rage to the point that it had taken only the right trigger point to let it out of its cage, ready to rip and tear.

"Oy!" Thorian pouted, "Who was it who just took out four of those buggers? How many did you manage? Just the two!"

"That is true but if you hadn't been lucky then you would have wound up dead when those two caught you," Ulrich flicked his sword tip towards where the managed stumps slumped in the shadows.

"Luck nothing," Thorian argued, "That was skill."

"I would have to beg to differ on that score," Jeremiah argued, stepping up, "If it wasn't for the intervention of my god then they would have been able to wrap you up piecemeal and divide you out."

Thorian frowned for a moment and then shrugged.

"Yeah, alright, I guess those noisy burgers you called up did keep them busy," he admitted, "Thanks for that my old chum!"

He slapped Jeremiah on the back so hard the priest stumbled and coughed.

"Yes well, happy to be of service and all that," he gasped, slightly winded. Ulrich had already turned away.

Kaelin was knelt on the edge of their stony perch, shaking and gasping quietly.

Ulrich knelt down beside her and took hold of her shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he asked and then shook himself, "No, that was a stupid question; are you going to be okay?"

She managed something that might have been a proto smile under other circumstances and brushed the hair back from her face.

"Not... not right now I'm not," she admitted and then grimaced at the fact that she'd just smeared goo into her hair, "But later, maybe later. Just haven't had a moment... a moment like that for a while, rather took me by surprise."

"I have to admit that those lasher things are not pleasant foes to face," Ulrich smiled at her, almost surprised that she had confessed that much to him.

"It wasn't... wasn't them," Kaelin shuddered as she admitted it, "It was those other things, the ones Jeremiah called up. Gods." She shuddered again. "I don't know what they are but they... they... they are horrors."

"I have to admit that I found them more than a little... off putting," Ulrich admitted, "I have to admit, I do seriously wonder what god our friend is worshiping because said god doesn't appear to be the one usually worshiped at that abbey."

"He has a book," Kaelin said quietly, "It's what he stole that night at the abbey. There was an alarm charm attached to it so they didn't want... Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Ulrich frowned and then his gaze was drawn to the edge of the black abyss they were by. Kaelin was on her feet and backing away, eyes fixed to the edge and Ulrich followed her.

"What's up?" Thorian asked, tilting his head over when he saw their behavior, then he sniffed. "Can you smell that?" he asked Jeremiah.

"I..." Jeremiah opened his mouth to give a cutting reply but the words died on his tongue.

Some thing, something thick but sharply pointed, with two clawed black toes came up and gripped the edge of the rocky shelf then far along, impossible far along, another reared out of the dark to grip and strain.

Hat buzzed off of Jeremiah's miter and did a series of impossible loops, thrumming with panic.

"Hat!" Jeremiah snapped as the darkness crowded in, threatening to swallow them, "Come back here!"

The moth juddered, instinct fighting with instruction but it hovered a little lower, giving them just enough light to see the cluster of great, hairy limbs at the edge had multiplied to a number not designed to comfort.

"Oh, that's not good," Thorian pulled his sword from its scabbard as the multi-jointed, clawed, black legs strained.

"Oh good sir, what thing a say," a light, melodious voice purred in the shadows. A head rose out of the shadows, crowned with a mane of long white hair that fell around the shoulders in a fetching manner. The eyes sparkled, the lips full and pouting as she laced her fingers together and rested her chin on them in a most delightful manner, elbows perched on the edge of the stone lip.

"Forgive our uncouth companion, my dear lady," Jeremiah smiled and bowed, "We did not expect to find such a vision of loveliness in this realm. Our experiences so far have lead us to look only for the bane and not have the wit to see that the dark can hold such beautiful glory such as yourself."

"You think me beautiful?" she smiled, turning her head coquettishly and laughing, a trilling, thrilling sound.

"Of course dear lady, who could not be smitten with your beauty?" Jeremiah continued, "It is as a perfect gem, shining in the darkness."

"Oh but surely you are a priest?" she brushed her fall of hair away from her dark, almost coal grey face, tucking it behind a long and pointed ear, "Are not such delights forbidden to you?"

"The... satisfaction of such base desires that interfere with my dedication to my god is forbidden to me," Jeremiah had stepped towards the lady without realizing, "But that does not forbid my admiration for such glorious elegance and grace."

She wriggled happily, wrapping her arms across her front, "Oh, tell me more." Kaelin turning her face away in disgust from where her companions had imbecilic smiles on their faces, anyone would think they hadn't ever seen a pretty lady and then she frowned, noticing the feet, if you could call them that, flexing on the edge of the stone. Her eyes flicked from the elf's beautiful face to the legs and back again. Something was not quite right here.

"Surely such a refined lady such as yourself has no need for such a thing as base flattery," Jeremiah stepped closer, smiling as if bliss already had ensured him completely and judging from his eyes it had. The other two seemed to be just as hypnotized but Thorian was frowning and he hadn't put his sword away.

"I'm not sure about this," he kept repeating, "I'm not sure at all."

"Indeed the greatest poet in the land would be hard pushed to be able to describe your merits, good lady," Jeremiah stepped closer, "The sun and moon would bow down before you and weep that they were out shone."

She smiled, gleeful mischief dancing in her eyes. She stretched out her hand to him.

She shrieked, making their heads ring like a opera singer hitting and holding a perfect note, as Kaelin's blade scoring a deep slash across one long gripping limb, the chitin parting with a sharp crack. She reared up over the edge, murder in her face and Jeremiah stumbled back with a squeal as the whole of her form came into the light.

To the waist she was a beautiful, seductive Ash Elf, who's frustrated hunger still shone through her rage. Below the waist though... Ulrich stumbled back with a exclamation of disgust.

Below the waist the bloated body of an impossibly large spider bulged and trembled, eight black, hairy legs dragging her bulk up and on to the ledge, Hat's ghostly blue glow shining off of the red hour glass shaped mark on her high humped back.

"Pathetic little vermin!" she spat baring down on Kaelin, "You dare! Do you think I don't know what you are? Dog stink! Wolf pup! I know what you are, I smell the curse curling through your veins. You think you are some how better than you sires? You are no different than they are! You are a flea, a vermin, a parasitic worm crawling through the flesh of your host!"

Jeremiah, seeing her attention was no longer on him, pressed his hands together and started whispering a pray to his god, entreating him to blind the creature to their actions, to become so lost in her own pride that she didn't consider them a threat. It worked, after a fashion.

"You are not even worthy of being a portion in my larder," the thing scuttled towards Kaelin, legs rippling. Kaelin backed up, tripped and fell and that was what saved her, the thing rearing back as Kaelin's blade came up, aimed at her venerable underbelly.

"I will drain you dry and leave your husk for the kerveads to lay their eggs in," it smiled down at Kaelin, baring fangs that shone green in the light, "How would you like that? How would you like the feel of their crawling, squirming maggots crawling in and out of your eyes sockets, soft and slimy and writhing as they nibble away at your brain and ooze out your nose, flooding from your mouth as they slip down your throat and wriggle under your skin?"

"You don't touch the Goddess!" a loud, squeaky voice squealed through the air, causing the thing to spin round, a very complicated maneuver as her legs sort to turn her and not get tangled with themselves at the same time.

Pouring over the land bridge, swarming over the lasher that tried to bar their way, a mass of goblins came flowing, rusty blades and stubby clubs waving in their hands. Leading the charge, the goblin that had asked to learn came howling, a divine war cry stretching his mouth wide.

"You dare you little vermin!?!" the Elf spider reared on to her back legs and then stamped down at the attacking goblins but they were determined to come to their Goddess' aid and they jumped and span, chopping at the clicking black columns that stamped and trampled down at them, the Elf spider screaming and spitting in a rage that still somehow appeared grotesquely endearing.

"Guess you were a naughty girl," Ulrich grinned as he lunged to the attack, "What went wrong? Matriarch discovered your plot to depose her before you were ready?"

The Elf spider shrieked and swung a leg in his direction. He ducked as it spun by over head.

"I've read about your kind see," his elf forged blade left a long cut up the next limb at swung towards her, "Your the disgraced ones, the ones who have failed." She howled and trampled forward only to be driven back, one leg cut short and trailing blood.

"You can't even have children any more to gain a little respect," Ulrich knew provoking her was a risky gamble but while she was concentrating on him, Thorian could hack at her at will, "You're barren, you're sterile and you can't even enjoy yourself any more."

The noise that broke from her throat was more of a wail and for a second Ulrich felt a little ashamed at striking so low and then she spat, the stream of venom hissing and spitting where it splattered over the rock as he ducked.

"You think I am unwanted?" she snarled, "You are a fool! Come me!"

The last words had a strange resonance that shivered and trembled in the air and then dark figures leapt from the tunnel mouth they had been trying to reach. The Elf Spider laughed then.

"You should never be making load noises in the Underworld," she grinned.

"Oh shouldn't you?" Kaelin asked and pocked the blow stick of Haggis into her mouth, blowing fit to burst. Haggis responded with a will. The goblins, who had drawn back, faces afraid, trembling at the sight of the Ash Elves and whimpering when one of them uncoiled a whip and flicked it at them, suddenly roared as one creature and charged, Thorian joining them in a charging, shrieking mass. The Ash Elves were obviously not expecting creatures who they were used to bullying and beating to rise up righteous and strike back, the one flicking out with the whip going down as half a dozen goblins piled into him and just hit and hit and hit with their little blades, shrieking and squealing the whole time.

"You scum!" another barked and slashed at the writhing, wriggling heap and several goblins went tumbling and rolling in pieces but next second Thorian's mighty sword crashed into the elf and snapped him like a damp twig.

The Elf Spider was not having any better of it, Ulrich driving her out along the stone bridge, Jeremiah muttering and mumbling as the shadows rose, groaning and crying from the rocks around him. The Elf Spider seemed to find said shadows as distressing as Kaelin had, screaming and striking out as they clustered round her, their hand prints showing up as momentary white splotches on her carapace.

"Stop it! Stop it!" she squealed, "You horrible like man! You can't do this, it's not fair!"

"All's fair in love and war," Jeremiah replied smugly as Hat came back and landed on his miter. She squealed and wailed as Haggis' music swirled and twined through the air, driving the goblins on to greater heights of strength, Thorian barreling gleefully along side them.

Used to being the biggest bullies in the play ground, used to being able to cow every other species into submission and most especially used to being able to kick goblins around as if they were worthless nothings, the Ash Elves found themselves overwhelmed and over run, the last of them falling as goblins literally climbed up them so they could hang on to elf ears with one hand while they stabbed with the other. Granted one elf went down as a goblin hung on to both ears and smacked it with his forehead, repeatedly, until there was a solid sounding crack. Thorian laughed at that one, the goblins cheering round his knees, jumping up and down on their old enemies to make sure they had won.

The Elf Spider shrieked, legs slashing at Ulrich, squealing as his elf forged blade gouged a deep injury in her side. Then he stumbled.

"You! You I shall kill, you worthless piece of filth!" she hissed, rearing up on to her back legs. Ulrich flinched and tried to roll out her way and nearly pitched himself off of the edge, stopped only just in time. He rolled back the other way as a leg crashed down where his head had been a second before. She laughed, a sound that still made him smile, even as another leg stamped down to block his path that way. Pulling himself on to his elbows, he tried to shuffle backwards, the terrible, beautiful face high above him.

With a gurgling cheer she reared on to her back legs again, front ones locking into straight spears aimed at his heart. She came down.

Ulrich flinched and closed his eyes as a gristly crunch rang out. After a moment, he realized that he wasn't in pain and he opened his eye a crack. Thorian stood over him, sword out stretched and the Elf Spider had impaled herself full length on that blade, the point piercing through her waist and buried all the way back into her spider body. A pained spasm crossed her face and she croaked. Thorian pushed her back and she tottered and then her back feet slipped off the edge of the stone bridge. With a sigh she leaned back and slid off the blade, toppling into the black abyss below, her broken form falling away into the dark below. There was no sound of her landing.

"You alright?" Thorian turned and pulled Ulrich to his feet.

"Right now, thanks to you," Ulrich nodded, "I owe you one."

"No drinks," Thorian said darkly.

"Unless its that ginger concoction at the Battered Bugle," Ulrich grinned, "See which of us winds up with the bigger bonfire in our bellies."

"I'd forgotten I'd told you about that!" Thorian slapped him on the back, "Now that sounds like a deal!"

"Yeah,"Ulrich rubbed his shoulder, "Sounds like a plan."

Jeremiah rolled his eyes and turned to where the elves lay, bloodied and still on the stone floor. Drawing himself up he started to chant. Kaelin shuddered and turned away as the shadow lined light coiled through the air and poured down the throats of the seven most intact corpses. With a creaking groan, the deceased elves rose, bodies hanging in disjointed uncomfortable poses, slack jawed and silent. The goblins squeaked and fell back, staring at the blue glow that filled the eye sockets of the elves. They chittered to each other, fingers forking in signs to drive off the evil eye.

"Blessed be the Goddess of the Thunder Voice!" Jeremiah proclaimed, "Bow to her holy name for she sends these to be your servants and slaves. Thus has the Goddess of the Thunder Voice judged them and found them wanting. They self serve out their punishment serving you. Blessed be the Goddess of the Thunder Voice."

The goblins stared at him, obviously confused by what he meant, except the one who lead them. Deep in his eyes that other presence stirred a fin.

"You," the goblin turned to the nearest elf, "Kiss my boot!" He jabbed a finger at the toe of aforementioned boot.

The elf, with no change of expression, got down its knees and did as instructed. The goblins blinked, stunned for a moment and then they burst out in a cacophony of squeaks and cried but it was a jubilant  noise, full of a laughter not heard in a goblin's voice before - relief. Kaelin opened her mouth to protest and found herself unable to kill their joy.

"Parf," Haggis said, a note of worry in his music.

"I know, I know," Kaelin stroked Haggis, lip trembling, facing down the terror that every god faces in the end - the fear of disappointing their followers. She looked at the grinning Jeremiah, the Mage of Thunder and knew, knew, that he understood that she wouldn't be able to turn the goblins away but that if it went south, if she failed to live up to their expectations, then she was the only one who would feel guilty about it.

For the first time she felt the hatred that her grandfather had often described coiling through her guts.