Hestia Locator - Lotton

 So, with the third missed play session comes the third alternative blog post, this time curtsy of the Hestia Locator, a weighty tome created by the renowned explorer Marcus Poli-Poli and constantly updated by his descendants as they keep up their three times great grandfather's work.

The Encyclopedia of all the observations and information gathered by the clan, all the major public and private libraries have a copy that is updated as new revisions are added. King Tatsuya regularly refers to his own copy to better understand the players in the never ending game of international chess.

Hestia Locator

Lotton

 

Situated in the middle of the southern border Provence of Portasia, Lotton is notable for being situated on the Western shore of the Great Lake. This body of fresh water is one of the largest in the world. Myth would have us believe that it was excavated by the 'Watchers in the Water' to give them an inland strong hold. Legend states that it was formed during the dragon war, went those dragons, mortally wounded in one of their battles, fell from the sky and exploded. Men of science believe that it was formed in a long forgotten era when ice ground its way across the face of the continent and gouged out a deep trench in the softer layers of bedrock, which was larger filled and expanded by water. Men of religion state that it was a gift formed in the days of creation by the gods choosing this as the place to rest from their labors and thus sinking the land with their great weight.

No matter its origin the Great Lake forms a massive reservoir of fresh water so deep that the fishermen who plum its depths have spoken of discovering fish that have white eyes, so use are they to swimming beyond the reach of the light. Taking two days to cross by boat to Nether Wallop at its Eastern end and three to cross North to South, it is only logical that many of the locations near to the lake rely on boats for communication and travel. By these means Lotton has become a transport and trade hub of the region with goods being shipped back and forth across the lake from its docks. 

 Lotton is protected by a curtain wall that embraces three sides of the town, the fourth being open for the docks. The curtain wall is built of sandstone and studded with many guard towers that some times double as extra guard houses for the City Watch. The North side of the town is also protected by the Nayen River that runs within feet of the foundation  stones of the curtain wall. However, there are no  gates in the Northern wall as the attitude of the town council is that anyone with legal business in the town will use either Western Gates that allows entry to the Condessa Road or the docks. As the Dead Swamp on the North side of the River Nayen has an unsavory reputation, this attitude is perfectly understandable. 

The docks stretch from North to South along the lake shore and have no less than three Watch Houses interspersed along that length. Internally the town is divided into four districts. The largest of these is the Warehouse district that back the docks and makes at least a third of the town. Warehouses closest to the center of the town are cheaper to rent but include the inconvenience of shifting the stock to and from the water front.

The North West of third of the town is the Residential District where many merchant princes have their mansions and not a few nobles maintain houses and travel here during the summer months when the heat and scent of the Capital can become rather noxious. These buildings are set back from pleasant, wide paved roads, surrounded by pale walls and landscaped gardens, some with water features, others with the panoramas of other Provenances of the country, or in some cases whole other countries, laid out around them. During the Session many parties, Balls and events are hosted at these residences.

The South West District is more unfortunate than its Northern neighbor. This District is the home of the laborer class in Lotton and unfortunately reflects the lack of care that many laborers face through out their lives. Streets here are narrow, often too small for a horse cart and over shadowed by the upper levels of the houses that crowd in from every side. If the streets were once paved that paving is now buried under decades if not centuries of rubbish and rot. The smell is often over whelming. The houses are themselves in less than optimal condition and there have been several attempts to improve the area but so far nothing has stuck, with efforts being hindered by just how many people are crammed per house and therefore how many would have to be rehoused until repairs could be completed. The buildings are often three storeys high and a whole family, if not two, can be crammed into each storey right up to the attic space, creating a nightmare for the town authorities who fear a fire ripping though the area.

The last district is the Central District and is the smallest, centering on the Town square, a clear space around the Cathedral and bordered by the official buildings of the town, including the Governors Palace, the courthouse, the residences of the town officials and the largest Watch House. The main streets runs from the Central District to the double Western Gate and is lined with most of the shops that actually sell within Lotton. The southern row of these shop/houses are what has been successfully upgraded from the South West District.

 Places of Interest

 Hognail's Wagon and Wheels

 A well appointed shop set in row that separates the twin streets that come from the double gate and well located beside the Watch House of King's row (as it is known). Hognail himself is a sturdy dwarf of middle years, for his people, that has specialized in the ironmongery necessary for the construction of vehicles. Under him are several human partners who are not named on the business sign, for the simple reason that Hognail has out lived several human partners and constantly (in his eyes at least) changing the business name would be a fiddle he's not prepared to deal with. The current business partners are a pair of twins that Hognail sponsored through their apprenticeships in carpentry who handle the wood working side of the business, while Hognail handles the forge. A hard bargainer but his work is always of top quality. Well worth a visit for anyone in need of a new vehicle or who wishes to sell a vehicle. A word of advice, do not try to cheat him, his fist can hit like a thunderbolt and the local Watch is of the opinion that the injuries of someone who tried to cheat Hognail are self inflicted.

 Sweety Rod's Enterprises

 Opposition Hognail's Wagon and Wheels is Sweety Rod's Enterprises, a horse shop of some repute. Sweety Rod himself is a human of a nervous disposition, whose hair seems to have permanently been struck by lightning. Constantly anxious and shy to the point of paralysis, Sweety could be described as having more twitches than a bag full of cats, until he lays his hands on a horse. Once he is dealing with a creature that has fingers for legs all his twitches disappear and he becomes firm and steady, able to state his opinion without tremor or falter.

Not only does he trade in horse but he is also a horse doctor of some noted ability and has managed to save beasts that others would have given up on and left to die. This could be because he hates having to put any horse out of its misery. It is noted that he has had a miniature, spring powered crossbow created for this purpose, which can drop a horse in a fraction of a second without a sound and he is extremely competent when he uses it but his twitches come back worse than ever when he has too. All in all he is a gentle soul, that only bargains hard because he has to have the funds needed to lavish the care he does upon the beasts under his gaze. That and if someone has spent a fair amount of money on the animal then they are unlikely to mistreat it and waste those funds. Expensive but worth every penny as Sweety Rod does not sell dud horses.

The King's Sword Public House

A large Public House and Inn run by the dwarfs Berrum Stonebreaker and his wife Maggun, the King's Sword is reasonable priced and well appointed, with comfortable rooms with proper beds and a chimney system that runs from the kitchen up through the center of the house, spreading the warmth to every room. Berrum handles the tap room and locals have learnt to watch their intake if they are the sort to become rowdy on too much ale as he is perfectly capable of picking up a man many times his size and convince them to leave. Maggun has over sight of the kitchens and also runs a laundry service for those willing to pay. There is also a small suite of bathrooms available for hire and hot water. It is noted that the King's Sword has the cleanest floor, stable yard and front step of any establishment in the town and is probably due to the fact that the bath water has a second use as a solution to scrub down the aforementioned places. Both Berrum and Maggun economize where ever they can to keep the prices down so that the residents of the South West quarter can continue to afford to come in and use their facilities. The only issue with the King's Sword is that Berrum has strong feelings about orcs and orc crossbreeds, having lost many family members in several wars with the mountain clans, though this finally seems to be mellowing in recent years. Definitely worth a stay if you are traveling through.

Dippler's Pie Shop

 A small, weedy, weaselly looking gentleman commonly dressed in a polka dot neck tie and a battered top hat, Dippler started his career as a 'from the tray' vendor of hot pies but has since moved up to owning a premises of his very own, complete with veil fronted counter to keep the flies off of his produce. Featuring both steady recipes and a seasonal menu, Dippler opens earlier and closes late, catering to the less fortunate of the town and visitors passing through with hot and filling pies and pastries, usually freshly cooked and still steaming from the oven. How he manages to keep up such a steady stream of baking while managing to front the shop at the same time is a mystery possibly best left unasked after but no one can argue with the flavors of his produce. He is also a friend of Sweety Rod, possibly the man's only friend and usually the only one who can calm him after a very bad day.

The Battered Bugle

Situated on the southern most end of the water front, the Battered Bugle is an unusual establishment in that it is the only one that serves a beverage of a non-alcoholic nature. Despite this sounding like a crazy business move for a dock side ale-house the Battered Bugle does surprisingly well on the strength of this drink, concocted as it is out of ginger root extract and the juice of Scots Bonnet peppers. Strong enough to strip the lining off your throat, burn your tongue off at the roots and build a bonfire in your stomach, the drink has become the subject of a dock side drinking game as sailors dare each other to drink enough of it to make them spit fire like a dragon.

The Armored Dragon

A larger ship than most that berth in the docks of Lotton, the Armored Dragon started her life on salt water, only coming to the shipping lanes of the Great Lake in recent years as her Captain fancied a retirement that didn't involve him giving up sailing all together. Captain is all the name you will pry out of him and he is as much part of the Armored Dragon as the ship is his. Broad shouldered and quietly spoken, Captain's steel grey eyes look out of a dark, weather beaten face with a unassuming power that makes you want to listen to him. He is never far from his ship and is usually accompanied by his familiar Risk, an albatross of truly immense dimensions that seems to understand more of what people say than one would credit.

The Grey Clerks Archives - Kaelin

 Well the stream of bad luck with health problems have continued so that we didn't have a game session two weeks ago and we didn't have a game session this week either. It is also why this blog post has been four days late to hit the metaphorical book shelves. This is the thing with having family members who have chronic health issues - the interesting times never end.

Lacking the game session to inspire the next chapter of Draconic Shennanigans I have instead complied some of the paperwork that crosses King Tatsuya's desk, this sample from the Grey Clerks (so called because they are so nondescript that you never notice that they are there, some times until it is too late). King Tatsuya prefers to be the shepherd of the future but that does not mean he is unwilling to be its butcher and will take what ever precautions he feels necessary. After all, if you take enough precautions, you then don't have to take the sort of precautions that others would find... distasteful. It is no wonder he and Hartseer get along, they share a very similar world view.

Saying that, let's drive in.

Person of Interest

Name: Kaelin (last name unknown/ doubtful she has one).

 Age: Unsure, probably early to mid twenties.

Birth place: Greely Creek

Race: Tainted/ Change beast/ puca born

Family: Father: Unknown, Mother: Unknown, Grandfather: Donovan Ratcliff (recent intelligence indicates this maybe an assumed name).

Profession: Career Thief, low tier. Kaelin is more likely to steal a loaf of bread or a pie off of a window sill than try to steal the contents of a safe box. Though she has shown some skills with lock picks and climbing, her level of trust inhibits her from taking things that are hard to pass off in payment for bed, board or clothing as she is unwilling to approach possible fences, fearing betrayal. Could be an asset, if properly trained and equipped, abroad in the capacity of a deniable agent as her paranoia would inhibit her from passing off her discovers to those outside of her handlers.

Location: Of no fixed abode. Kaelin does not seem to currently have a home as such, bedding down in temporary accommodation when she is in inhabited areas. So far her movements seem to have wandered south of the River Nayen that runs between Lotton and Condessa, never staying in a single area for long due her predilection to being light fingered and her lack of skills necessary to gain long term employment.

Skills: Climbing, running, she favors a short sword or dagger in a fight. She does appear to have a spattering of reading and writing and recent events have revealed a talent for the playing of less complicated wind instruments.

Appearance: Kaelin is a skinny youngish woman with pale skin, black hair and usually dark eyes. This can however change as Kaelin is descended in recent generations from bloodlines tainted by werewolf stock. As such she can summon a partial change of form. This is a limited change however, with the most notable features being the growth of lupine jaws and teeth, claws and a change of eye color to wolf yellow. She also demonstrates increased speed, agility and strength during these changes, as well as an over whelming need for a razor. Her change is not limited to the hours of the night and she seems to keep a portion of her mind while changed, able to recognized non-tainted allies in battle and refrain from attacking them. The trade off to these benefits is that she is not as powerful as a full blooded werewolf but as she is able to plan ahead and strategize she is often more affective in a fight.

Her clothes are often dirty and unkempt but are strictly practical - dark trousers, a once white shirt and a green leather jerkin with a hood. Since visiting the Wizard's Tower in the Dead Swamp she has acquired a golden locket that she appears to speak to and a pair of 'climbing gloves' that have added to her skills in scaling the sides of buildings. It is suspected that she liberated several small items as well while she was there. She also obtained a set of bagpipes that she has taken to referring to as Haggis. It appears that this instrument unlocked a buried talent for creating music and maybe of a magical nature, as Kaelin seems to be able to either bolster her allies or intimidate her enemies with her music.

History: What is known for sure of Kaelin's history is that she was born in the area of Greely Creek to a son of the notorious werewolf cult leader Donovan Ratcliff. Whether or not her mother and grandmother were also infected by the werewolf curse is unclear but is most probable due to Ratcliff's quasi-religious views. Ratcliff's cult firmly believes in the 'superiority of nature' and believe themselves to be the embodiment of that superiority, that they are the 'perfect race' and have the divine providence to claim all human land for themselves. They had been building themselves an enclave in Greely Creek and had been raiding into the surrounding area.

Though there was consideration at the time as to whether they could be used to neutralize the 'issue' at the Wizard's Tower, it was ultimately decided that they were just too dangerous to be recruited to the King's Special and were slated to be put down. The difficulties in over coming their defenses were solved when the door was opened from the inside. It is speculated that Kaelin may well have been the one to open the door.

The visit to the Wizard's Tower has revealed a greater possible depth to Kaelin's lineage than was suspected. The painting of one Charlotte Susan Darling recognized a family resemblance to Kaelin and spoke of her cousin, one Don van Ranchiff, who disappeared following an animal attack a month before Charlotte's brother, last heir of the main Darling line, was murdered. Apparently Don van was the sort of boy who scared his mother and earned the disdain of his father due to Don van's cruelty to animals and some nasty incidences involving the servant girls of the Ranchiff estate, not to mention the fact that he terrified his own sister, who had to be sent to a relative of her father's for her health. After the main Darling line was deceased this nervous sister was taken from her family but no communication was sent to them. There was no ransom note or any indication as to who had taken her, to quote "it was like she vanished from the face of Hestia". If this connection can be proved then it would enable the crown to hand back the estates of both the Ranchiff and Darling families to a bloodline descendant. It is the opinion of your agent that Kaelin would be unsuited to regular appearances at court but as a defender of some of the eastern mountain passes she would probably excel, as well as providing a tract of land were the more unusual of your Majesty's subjects could find a home without causing comments. 

Further reports will be sent pending developments.

Creature Feature - Komuh (Fluff Muffs)

 Due to our baby sitter being in hospital, there was not play session two weeks ago to inspire another chapter of Draconic Shennanigans so, instead we will have another Creature Feature, this time of the more domesticatable type. What is more, this time I was able to draw and paint(!) a design to go with the fact file this time so we are improving. So on with the show: -

Creature Feature

 

Name: Komuh (also known by their more common name of Fluff Muffs)

Appearance: Komuh are quadrupedal animals about the size of a German Shepherd. They are hoofed and their faces appear some where between that of a small pony and a goat, with large, dewy eyes and long, soft, expressive ears. Their large nostrils are widely spaced and lead back to a large olfactory bulb that is credited with giving them a superb sense of smell. Their lips are soft and their tongues are extremely long, able to fold in their mouths to fit and are often used as basic manipulators, particularly to grasp and draw food into the mouth. However, their most distinguishing feature is their hair, their copious amounts of hair. Indeed, they have been decided as 'perambulating hay stacks'. Each filament is long and covered in the hooks that enable it to be spun into thread. This fiber is know as one of the most sort after fabrics in the galaxy as it is fine, strong, light weight, water and stain resistant, as well as fire resistant and very insulating. Indeed several different forces have standing contracts for the purchase of Komuh wool cloth to be used for cold weather gear and survival supplies. To demonstrate how fine a cloth Komuh wool can be woven into, it is possible to gather a two meter (six and a half foot) wide bolt of Komuh wool and run it through a medium build man's wedding ring. The only disadvantage of Komuh wool is its resistance to accepting any sort of dye, restricting the color range to what naturally occurs. The most common colors are dove grey and dove pink. The rarer and therefore more expensive colors are white and very occasional black. The rarest of the rare is the iridescent dove turquoise, seen in only about one in a thousand. Royal Komuh as they are know, have long been associated with almost divine blessings and are usually kept by either noble families or the ultra-rich, unless the trait spontaneously arises in an unassociated bloodline.

They also molt, continuously. Komuh molt only once a year, for three hundred and sixty five days. It is a necessity of anyone who owns a Komuh to brush them, vigorously, every day. However, seeing as good quality Komuh wool sells for twenty pounds (twenty five point five dollars) per kilo in its raw state, keeping a well cared for Komuh can be something of a money mill.

For those worried by the prospect of mistreatment of Komuh in pursuit of profit, they should bare in mind that Komuh are not as defenseless as they appear. Not only are they ridiculously sure footed, able to scale mountain sides that would be considered suicidal by any right thinking creature, they can also scream - they can scream at one hundred and twenty five decibels. Considering that one hundred and fifty decibels is all it takes to rupture the human ear drum then it is understandable as to why the scream of a distressed Komuh has been known to scramble code the central nervous systems of more delicate or sensitive beings. They also possess an organ in the throat similar to the one that cats use to purr on both intake and outtake of breath, only in the case of a Komuh they use it to scream on both the intake and outtake of breath, resulting in an unending barrage of sound that can rupture soft tissues that are exposed for too long.

Habitat: The Komuh is an unusual being in that it only truly thrives when in partnership with an unrelated species. It is believed that this is an evolutionary adaptation rooted in deep history. It appears that the Komuh was evolving at the same time that an avian super predator was roaming the skies. These 'Thunderbirds' would on occasion snatch Komuh to feed to their young, however, if the Komuh was left alive in the nest it would 'clean up' any debris and act as a living heat pad for the young birds. As such the young in such nests had a higher survival rate, especially as young birds shared many predators with the Komuh, resulting in the Komuh's using their screams to either drive the predators away or alerting the adult birds that all was not well at home. Over centuries this became a symbiotic relationship and has lead to a trait that has continued in the Komuhs even after their original partner went extinct due to environmental pressures. It appears that they have had the fortune to continue to find species that are willing to partner with them down the millennia, resulting in their continued existence. As they are now partnered with sentient species their numbers have blossomed as never before.

In their modern, domesticated form the Komuh are known as affectionate pets and excellent guardians of children. They bound fantastically well with their family unit and are known to hum when contented, a sound that has a beneficial effect on at least the human nervous system, lowering stress and physical stress markers while simultaneously increasing brain activity and the systems for the regulation of inflammation. Further studies are being conducted to discover whether they have a similar effect on other races. Feeding them is easy as they consume kitchen scraps without complaint as well as weeds and will graze down lawns. If anything controlling their eating is the issue and you do not want a bored Komuh in your house as it will start chewing on anything, up to and including the walls. A basic feed to ensure a balanced intake of essential vitamins and minerals is advised but is more of a supplement to their general grazing.

Training is advisable but fairly easy if the time is dedicated to the initial effort. Brushing is utterly essential to avoid a house carpeted with shed fur. However, many civilizations have a purchasing scheme for Komuh fur, in recognition of just how valuable it is.

Food source and Hunting tactics (if any): Komuh are perfect omnivorous scavengers. They possess the full range of dentistry in their mouths and every tooth grows throughout their lifetimes, although the canine teeth do grow at a slower rate, particularly in the females. In male Komuh, the canines grow at a faster pace, in particular during the mating season when they can reach proportions close to what would be considered sabre teeth. These fangs can then be used in utterly vicious battles for the breeding rights. A male Komuh in musk has to be handled with both care and precautions.

Outside of the breeding season, Komuh can and will eat anything, the only substance known to be totally impervious to their efforts is metal. Given enough time they have been known to grind their way through ceramics. Vegetable, animal and mineral are all necessary parts of their diets, although their digestion can handle wood only poorly. Bones are completely essential, not only as a major part of the resources that going into producing their hair but also to wear down their ever growing teeth. Indeed Komuh are one of the few creatures where it is perfectly safe to give them cooked chicken bones as they grind everything they eat to powder before swallowing. However, it should be noted that plastic is NOT a viable food source as it is known to be poisonous to them.

Status: Domesticated. The Komuh is a benign and indeed, often beneficial to their owners. Many worlds have breeding facilities and run schemes where those without employment and those in need, such as the disabled, veterans and the mentally distressed, are granted passes to go and brush the resident Komuh and are granted permission to sell the fur they gather to authorized collection points as an alternative to a handout benefit system. The affection and hum of contented Komuh have a stabilizing effect on those with emotional difficulties and regular contact with Komuh is know to have a beneficial affect on health.

Draconnic Shennanigans - Episode 17

Chapter Seventeen: Isty Bitsy Spider

 "If the entertainment has been to your satisfaction perhaps we can be moving on?" Jeremiah asked as he swung his pack back on to his back. He looked around the cave they had found themselves in. It wasn't as big as some of the caverns they had through recently and compared to the glitz and glamour of the mushroom cave it was outright dull.  The walls, what he could see of them were nothing but brown rock, water worn and runneled by the trickle of water since time out of mind. In the dark water dripped and plopped in unseen pools, the plink plink of droplets dripping from the ceiling to hammer fall on the ever growing piles of limestone below building the slow counter point. Jeremiah squinted into the dark. Really he should be able to see more than this. He turned round, looking for Hat. The zombie-fied moth lay on the floor, twitching and quivering, its antenna fluttering as its normal blue glow fought for control with a burnish golden emanation that was circulating in its system. It stretched out fully on the ground and rubbed at its head with its front legs, a look of true misery filling its eyes.

"Hat! Here!" Jeremiah jabbed a finger at the point of his miter. The miserable moth shook and rattled for a moment more and then the the golden glow was pushed down by some Herculean effort and Hat took off, wobbled through the air and landed on Jeremiah's Hat. Kaelin's head snapped round and her eyes fixed on the ceiling, ears flicked forward to hone in on something she'd heard.

"What is it?" Ulrich asked.

 "I'm not sure," Kaelin muttered, ears twitching.

"Hat? Fetch!" Jeremiah instructed. The giant moth drooped for a moment but the gold was fading more and more from its system. With a buzz that could only be a sigh, it lifted off from Jeremiah's miter and buzzed up towards the ceiling, looping through the dripping stalactites, its glow shining off of all the damp surfaces, casting a blue sheen over the damp rock except one stalactites refused to glow. Its sides were a dull rocky crust that seemed out of place in the wetly gleaming cave. Kaelin swayed from side to side, frowning as the change of angle made her brain know that there was something wrong with that particular stalactite but could quite bring what it was into full focus of her fore brain.

Then the blunt tip of the stalactite opened into a mouth and bit at Hat. The moth dropped in the air as panic sent its wing beat completely off of rhythm, the rocky things fangs clashing together once again just behind it.

"What's that?" Thorian asked, frowning as the 'stalactite' shifted, dropping it full cameo of rocky texture, the branching buttresses rock of its base becoming tentacles that crept and oozed across the surface of the rock.

"I think that is what they call a Cave Octopod," Ulrich suggested, "Risgath's book mentioned them as one of the native predators of the Underworld. Might be related to octopi but there is debate about that."

"Never mind that!" Kaelin snapped, "How do the bleeding things hunt?"

"Usually by trying to drop upon the heads of their prey... Jeremiah step back right now!" Ulrich snapped. The Octopod bunched its tentacles. Jeremiah grinned and didn't move, muttering something that could have been a pray, or not, as he clenched his hand.

The octopod dropped. The jet of embers and sparks roared up, meeting it coming down. Kaelin wasn't sure is the pained whistling noise was its scream or whether it was the pressure release as the things super heated fluids boiled within its skin. It burst on the floor when it landed, smelling like boiled oysters. Kaelin gagged on it.

"Um," Thorian looked at the roof of the cave, "I don't think that can be good." Other shapes were shifting in the shadows of the ceiling, squeezing and squashing between the arches and groins of rock.

 "Time to leave!" Ulrich stated and with one eye on the ceiling he began to run across the cave floor towards the only other entrance visible in the gloom.

 "It's Thorian time!" the orc crossbreed bellowed with a grin, his sword whistling as it left the scabbard. If that was the signal the other squelchy, soft bodied things dropped from the ceiling, bouncing the right way up as they landed. They bounced shocking well, Kaelin having to duck as one came flying towards her. Hat buzzed and fluttered away after Ulrich, apparently deciding that he had the best idea of the lot. Jeremiah opened his mouth to snap at the glowing insect and then, as a cave octopod bounced towards him, tentacles lashing through the air behind it, he thought better of it and set off after Hat, huffing as his boots slapped over the damp stone.

Kaelin leapt away from a group of the bouncing, buffeting things, blowing into Haggis as she did so, aware that the flabby balls of nastiness were closing in on her from all sides. They would have almost been comical, with their bouncing gait and the noise they made, which Kaelin could only liken to the sound of an underinflated football being kicked about, but the snapping, gnashing teeth at one end totally destroyed her desire to laugh. Those fangs were far too big and nasty to be funny.  The circle closed in.

Haggis' blast echoed and hummed through the dark, making the stalactites ring and the shadows shiver. The bouncing, closing noose disintegrated as the cave octopods leapt in every way possible, scattered by the sound, the buzzing thrum of Haggis' music a sensation that they had never had to experience before.

Whooping Thorian perused them, blade sheering through bulgy bodies like a bat through an over ripe pumpkin, sending splatters arching into the air. Several had the misfortune of bouncing into Ulrich's path. Blades glittering, Ulrich didn't slow, making it to the arch way of their exit, leaving quivering masses in his trail. Jeremiah grimaced as his foot came down in one of the unfortunate piles, the noise truly dreadful and the smell was even worse.

"If you have just ruined my shoes..." he grumbled as he passed Ulrich.

"I would have thought those boots of yours need replacing after all the spiders that have gnawed on them," Ulrich smiled, blade striking out to dissect an octopod that didn't get the memo that this dinner wasn't worth the price.

"Yes, well," Jeremiah grouched, "There is such a thing as standards."

"Well if you could leaned a hand here," Ulrich flicked the tip of his swords through another pair of attacking octopods, keeping the line of retreat open for Kaelin and Thorian, "That would be a much higher standard than these things have. But of course, if the great and wise Jeremiah is just too tired to aid a friend in need, then I'm sure that his god wouldn't mind him missing out on a moment or two of distruction."

Jeremiah frowned at Ulrich, sure that he was taking the frack out of him but the reminder that his god wasn't overly happy with him at the moment made him draw himself up and spread his hands wide, muttering a pray for destruction and terror upon the enemies before him. The shadows clawed and writhed up off the floor and out of the gaps between the stalagmites, croaking and groaning like souls in torment, come to gather the damned. The octopods squealed and leapt even higher, bouncing off of the stone around them as they stopped trying to direct where they were going, merely trying to leap away from the horrors that shrieked and billowed after them.

Thorian was whooping and laughing in the middle of the cavern, sword blurring through the air in huge, sweeping arches that sent pieces of octopods flying in all directions. However, none of the others seemed to be able to realize that they should just give up trying to claim this food source and concentrate on the carrion that was now littering the floor and in some places the walls.

Kaelin ducked again as another sludgy ball of bad attitude sailed biting past her ear. She drew in another huge breath and blew. Haggis bellowed and even Jeremiah felt the chill lick up his spine. He stumbled back several paces before he managed to make his legs lock in place. The octopods went into a frenzy, bouncing and leaping away from things that were not even there.

With a final sweep, Thorian dispatched the last of the octopods near him and looked round. The last three octopods were bouncing away between the stacks of dribbled stone, soft, floppy noise the most flatulent retreat ever.

"That was a nice little fight," he grinned and cleaned his sword. As he went to put it back in its scabbard he paused. "What's this?"

Pale blue lights were drifting across the ceiling and the walls, swarming and billowing like skeins of snow in a blizzard. Jeremiah hopped back as a stream of them came scuttling over the floor but the lights parted round his boots and flowed on, piling up on the remains of the octopods, clustering around even the smears of fluids on the floor.

Kaelin stared as the lights piled up and thickened on the floor, their glow ever increasing until it rose up their legs, even while the source stayed trailing and running like water. Taking a risk she leaned down to stare at them even closer.

"They're some sort of bug," she observed, "Their heads are glowing. Rather like fireflies but it's their heads that are glowing not their butts. They also don't have wings. Any idea if they are dangerous?"

"Give me a moment," Ulrich called and fished out the book Risgath had given them. He thumbed through it, the growing light bright enough to read by now if he tilted the book in the right direction. Hat buzzed back to Jeremiah's miter, apparently aggrieved that he was not longer the brightest thing in the room.

"Ah here it is," Ulrich called, "They are kervead, a type of bug which appears to form the bottom of the food chain in the Underworld. They are scavengers and will usually avoid healthy individuals but it is not a good idea to make camps near were there have been large numbers of casualties or injuries in a recent time as they have been known to... burrow into open wounds and they will try to... gain entry into sleeping bodies if something has attracted them in large numbers to an area. The illustrations are fairly graphic." He looked slightly nauseated.

Kaelin sidled her way over to his elbow and peered at the books pages.

"Um," she observed, "Well I've never seen that bone before. Just out of interest and while you have that book to hand, any idea what those pillars of living stone were, you know the ones that tried to turn us into lunch earlier."

"Oh them," Ulrich flicker a few pages over, "Lashers, immobile ambush predators that once they take root can no longer move so they grow those long, whip like tentacles to ensnare prey and drew it within reach of those teeth. According to this they are why the Ash Elves never travel in anything less than a dozen, a single person on their own have no chance against a lasher and as a small group we are still at risk of being taken out by them. Apparently we have been lucky so far as they are usually planted in larger groups than we have come across so far."

"What does all that mean?" Thorian asked scratching his head, frowning, not shifting his feet as the kerveads flowed over his boots and away to get at the food source he had provided.

"It means that if you trip over now these bugs will try to crawl up you nose to make a nest inside your overly spacious skull," Jeremiah called out, his tone not overly pleasant. Ulrich snapped the book shut and turned, ready to throw it at the savage priest but he didn't get that far.

"Oh!" Thorian's eyes went wide, "They like big heads!" He held his arms out and lifted his foot with extreme caution. "I suppose this," he lift his other foot with equal caution, "If the trouble of being such a big guy," he lifted a foot again and set it down with immense care, "Someone always fancies a part of you." He stepped and stepped again, sweating with the effort of not falling over, "Though I still don't understand why those pretty ladies back in big city were asking about my marrow. I don't even like vegetables." He looked up to see their expressions. "What?"

"Where you by any chance in a street where the houses had red lanterns outside their doors?" Jeremiah wasn't able to quite suppress a grin.

"No," Thorian frowned, then brightened, "There was a red candle in the window though."

"That explains it then," Jeremiah turned away with a grin.

"What?" Thorian kept stepping with extreme care until he was out of the shifting, rippling tide, "Explains what?"

"We'll tell you later," Kaelin promised as she stepped up beside them and then they turned to the tunnel to discover that this time Jeremiah had decided to take point, striding down the throat of stone and leaving them to trail in his wake.

"Unlike you to be first into the breach," Ulrich observed as he tucked the book away.

"As you so kindly informed us, these things have a habit of crawling inside wounds," Jeremiah didn't stop, "And I happen to have wounded boots. I just don't fancy having some of these things nibbling at my toes."

"Someone has a thing about bugs," Kaelin muttered as she followed Ulrich into the darker tunnel.

"We may have to remember this fact in future," Ulrich winked over his shoulder at her, "In case our esteemed friend needs to have a lesson or two in humility."

"Not spiders though," Kaelin observed, "He doesn't have a problem with spiders."

"You are quite right there," Ulrich nodded as they bimbled along at Jeremiah's pace, "I have to admit I'd very nearly forgotten about the giant spider he'd had as a pet for a while."

"I hadn't," Thorian shuddered, "It had a hole in its head."

They had all by then recognized the issue with allowing Jeremiah to lead, left by his own devices the priest did not go much faster than an amble, which was rather frustrating when they wished to get on with the day. If nothing else, the memory of the breakfast they had shared with Black Randle was beginning to fade but none of them thought that eating some where that the kerveads were swarming would be a sensible idea. Questions about whether they were going to make to any where today, or even next week, simple dripped off of Jeremiah like water off of a well greased pig and hints that picking up the pace might be a good idea also seemed to have no effect.

Ulrich's patience ran out at last and he tried to barge his way passed Jeremiah with barely a muttered 'excuse me'. Turned out to be a mistake as the priest simply stepped into the way of Ulrich's attempts, bouncing him backwards off of his bulk. However, Jeremiah did not have it all his own way. Ulrich may have acted like a ball being bounced off of a wall but their collision did make Jeremiah stumble slightly, pushing him forward with more than his usual speed. There was a grunt and a soft sound, not unlike the clap of cupped hands and Jeremiah juddered to a halt.

After a moment he wiggled.

A moment after that he wriggled.

After that he writhed.

"Um," he muttered, "Um." He tried breathing in. He tried breathing out. He tried sucking in his girth, which as he didn't have a waist as such but rather more of an equator, didn't help that much.

"Ah," he stopped struggling, "I appear to be stuck." Kaelin sniggered.

"That is all very well," Jeremiah observed, "But unless you wish to take a trip back through the mushroom cave, I suggest you find a way of getting me unstuck."

"Well I suppose we could all just sit here and wait until he thins down enough to become unstuck," Ulrich grinned.

"How long do you think that would take?" Kaelin asked, rubbing her chin, "Couple of months?"

"Oh at least," Ulrich nodded, "Maybe more, maybe less."

Jeremiah growled and fought with the pinch of the rock around him.

"Only problem is that the kerveads would probably smell him long before then and come looking," Kaelin noted, "Now having a couple of dozen of them wriggle up his nose and other possible places, might make him thin down a lot quicker but we would rather be in the way of the kerveads passing though and it sounds like they don't distinguish that well between the trapped and the still mobile. What would happen if we squashed any of them?"

"You would have just painted yourself with a food source and drawn them to you," Ulrich noted.

"And I take it that they would just keep coming, no matter how many you crushed?" Kaelin asked.

"If anything the more you crushed the more would be drawn to you," Ulrich had a quick flick through the book.

"Um," Kaelin rubbed her chin again, "By the sounds of it a war of attrition and not one we could win. So that's not an option. Do you have any butter on you?"

"I am not a lobster!" Jeeremiah exclaimed.

"Unfortunately not," Ulrich ignored him, "Nor any lard, which would have been more appropriate."

Jeremiah growled and wriggled again, muttering swear words and curses. It was not helped by the fact that he could suddenly sense a deep and abiding pleasure at this scene. His own god was looking on and was highly amused by the events. He clamped his lips shut. Now that he had seen his God in all his glory he dared not antagonize him.

"So what to do?" Ulrich muttered, going up behind Jeremiah and leaning back on him as if he was the most well cushioned public leaning post ever, "Can't wait it out, can't butter him up, if we pull him out we'll just have the same problem all over again. Do you have any ideas Thorian?"

Thorian stratched behind an ear for a moment and then he grinned.

"We could try orc magic!" he suggested.

"Oh no!" Jeremiah yelled, "Not that!"

"Oh go on," Kaelin asked, eyes bright, "Tell us more?"

"It goes something like this," Thorian grinned and walked up to the now frantically wriggling Jeremiah, "Righteous boot to butt!"

The blow landed like a thunderclap and Jeremiah, with a tearing sound and a pop like a cork, shot forward down the tunnel, landing in a very undignified heap in the dust. After a moment he started standing up and then stopped.

"My dear Jeremiah," Ulrich grinned, "Is there a problem with your sudden freedom?"

"No, no, everything is fine absolutely fine," Jeremiah's smile seemed only the tiniest smidgen fake as he straightened fully, "But I am afraid that I am going to have to send the tailor's bill to you Thorian as your excessive use of force and total lack of tack have rather render my trousers more airier than they were prior to this moment."

"Er, what does he mean?" Thorian turned to Kaelin in his confusion.

"You ripped his trousers," Kaelin rolled her eyes, folding her arms around Haggis.

"Er," Thorian scratched his head again, "Sorry, you still lost me. What are trousers?"

"Seriously?" Kaelin blinked at him, "You're wearing a pair."

"I am?" Thorian now looked a little worried, finding out that he was wearing a piece of clothing that he had no idea he was dressed in. He started looking about himself, craning his neck to try and check over his shoulder.

"On your legs!" Kaelin exclaimed in exasperation, "Seriously man!"

"Oh you mean mah draws!" Thorian brightened in dawning understanding, "Oh, so that means I've put a hole in his..."

"Yes spare us the details please," Ulrich shuddered, mental images that he did not want to play host to trying to creep in via his imagination. That was the problem of having a very active imagination, sometimes he didn't like what it was imagining.

"My dear Ulrich," Jeremiah smiled, "I was unaware that you found such a little thing as distressed clothing upsetting. I'm sure that we will all make the effort to make sure we do not mention it again. Or could it be that you are uncomfortable with something else? Do you have a little secret that you would like to tell us?"

"You know something, I do have a fair number of skeletons locked in my cupboard," Ulrich's look had gone very flat and cold, "Would you like to know what they are?"

"Oh tell me more," Jeremiah grinned.

"Well, so sorry and all that, old bean," Ulrich suddenly smiled, "But I keep my cupboard locked so you can't. Life can be so full of disappointments, can't it?"

"It can indeed," Jeremiah grimaced, "It can indeed." He turned and started leading the way down the dusty throat of stone again but this time he stepped it out a little more willingly, so at least he had learnt from that mistake. It was still uncomfortably narrow, the rough walls catching at sleeve and pack, making Kaelin hug Haggis even closer.

The opening out of the tunnel was so sudden and unexpected that they stumbled into the cavern before they realized it. The ceiling arched high, the path curved away from them down to their right with two possible paths bending away down to a very recognizable area. Ulrich looked to his left and saw the path way arch up and over a bridge leading to the third exit of the cavern. He looked back to the right and saw a tall pillar of rock look at them with one red eye and then snap said eye shut again and try to be still so hard that it actually vibrated, whimpering quietly to itself.

"We've been going in circles!" he exclaimed, his voice echoing in the large space.

"A circle, a circle," Jeremiah corrected, "It is important to keep these things in perspective, My dear Ulrich."

"Perspective?" Ulrich asked in a dangerously flat and controlled voice, "Perspective? Perspective. Alright, let's try perspective-ing this." He rounded on Jeremiah, "We have spent hours traipsing around a corner of the most dangerous environment on this world, making so much noise I am surprised that we haven't wakened this dead, in fact, we did wake the dead, though where you're magic managed to find them I don't know because usual the scavengers in this place render down even the bones. So we have been announcing to everyone and their mothers that we are here pocking our noses in where they shouldn't be, we have killed several dozen things, had hallucinogenic spores invade our minds and leave us with the gods only know what long term effects and we are no closer to finding out what the hell is the problem down here and we are certainly have no clue about how to fix it, especially as, being male, the Ash elves are more likely to kill us on sight than listen to a word we damn well say. On top of that we have no idea if there is a safe space any where around here to have a rest break. Tell me, have I left out anything in your perspective?"

Jeremiah didn't say a thing, just glared in sullen anger.

"Didn't think so," Ulrich turned his back on him and walked away. Behind him, Jeremiah straightened and putting his hands together, started muttering what should have been a pray but sounded more like a curse. Kaelin's ear twitched back as she followed Ulrich but her attention was focused else where as they stepped on to the wider part of the walk way, where the two possible paths rejoined. Something twitched in her periphery vision and she turned her head. Something was trailing across the ground something that was slithering like a serpent towards...

"Look out!" she yelled and lunged forward, knocking Ulrich over but also rolling them out of the way of the tentacle that whip cracked through the space Ulrich had been in a second later.

"You lot again?" Thorian grinned as he drew his sword, "You lot don't learn, do yah?"

Jeremiah went to step back but then something brushed across the back of his knees. With a yell he jumped forward and as if that was the signal the eyes opened up. Great blinking, red orbs that glared with a hunger and desperation that left the soul cold and then the rest opened up their eyes.

"Oh squit," Kaelin muttered, kneeling, trapped in the circle of predators that had no respect for a fellow carnivore, the lashing, hissing tentacles swaying from side to side as they reared high over head.

"Whoop!" Thorian laughed and lashed out at the one nearest him, sending half a dozen tentacles arching away, twitching and flopping, some of them tumbling over the edge into the lightless depths below. The lasher howled, mouth stretching wide as the one planted beside it struck out, trying to wrap its tendrils around Thorian's sword and arms. "Oy! Get off!"

Jeremiah drew himself up, prayers to his darksome god, chants of death, destruction and desolation, spilling from his lips. The shadows creaked and groaned, hideous moaning that were, at once, both the expression of pain and the cause of even more pain, as the things that were both shadows and something else crawled up out of the dark spaces, their overlong, spindle fingers leaving prints of nightmare on any surface they touched.

Kaelin felt her jaws creak and crack as her other nature jumped forward without permission, instinct seizing her body as her rational mind screamed in terror. There was just something about the shadow forms, lanky, disproportionate anatomy, unstable bodies made of shadow and spite, eyes, where she could see eyes, sightless white orbs that were brim full of a void, bereft of any soul or meaning. They were dead center of the uncanny valley and their manifestation made her want to shriek like a banshee. Locking her teeth together did no good, denied that expression, her terror whip corded back on itself and took control of her body, the change savagely painful after so long being denied and with such a driving force behind it.

Ulrich danced in a web of tendrils and tentacles, twin swords flicking beams of light around the cavern as he ducked and wove through the lashing cracking maze of death. Every time the lashers tried to lay hold of him wasn't where he had been a second before and he punished every failure to grasp him with the sharp edge of bitter, elf forged steel. The lashers screamed and shrieked, shorn off limps tumbling and twitching across the ground in a tangled mass of pain and thick, dark blood, their central columns quivering with agony and rage. They were not used to food that fought back so ferociously and with such success. Bared, backwards curving fangs gnashed and clashed as their eyes popped and goggled with rage at this spinning, swinging, dancing thing that sang as it cut and scored them with its sharp and deadly steel claws.

Thorian stumbled but kept his feet as he was drawn ever closer to the pair of lashers that had hold of his arms and sword. They had failed to grasp his legs, too busy fighting the shadow beings that Jeremiah had summoned, even through their attacks passed through those creaking, groaning masses without result but that was all good, as far as Thorian was concerned. He fought on the end of their cords, tugging and lunging but they relentlessly drew him in. He fought, sweating and grunting as he struggled to keep away from them. There was a malevolent glee in their eyes as he came close, tongues flicking around stone dark lips as he came within breathing space of them.

Then Thorian grinned.

For a second the lashers hesitated, unbalanced by a prey that seemed to quiet enjoy the prospect of being eaten and then Thorian braced himself against their grip and jumped, planting one foot on each of them.

"My turn!" he bellowed and with a heave that could have shifted the world, he wrenched backwards. The lashers screamed as their tentacles tore out at their roots, rock like skin splintering with the popping bangs that preceded a landslide. Dark fluid splashed across stone, one of them collapsing in on itself as it breathed one last rattling sigh. The other, however, was not quite done, one last tentacle still attached, despite its mighty wrenching and it snapped tight, yanking Thorian towards its waiting maw, a raw sound cry of hunger billowing up from inside its throat. Thorian rolled and as it snapped at him he plunged his sword between its crashing teeth. With one last guttural noise it gagged on his blade and was still. Thorian stood, struggling out of the entwining tentacles.

Kaelin shrieked, instinct finally winning out over terror and she threw herself at the closest lasher. Ulrich took a step back as she smashed into it was a bestial sounding roar. The lasher screamed as her claws found its eye. It screamed again, whipping at her and then the great red globe pulled out with a thick sucking sound. Kaelin smashed the orb into the lasher's gaping maw and then slammed both fists down on the top of its conical peak. Not only did the top of its head collapse under the blow, its teeth also snapped together.

"Oh steady on," Ulrich back away with a look of distaste as Kaelin hauled on the remaining whipping tentacles as the lasher choked and throttled. Kaelin's claws drove into the bleeding roots of the tentacles and then she strained, muscles in her face, neck and back rippling as the lashers creaked and screamed. With the noise of tearing meat, it came apart from its base and toppled into the dark beyond the edge of the path, howling as it vanished into the inky depths. Kaelin's roar of victory did not sound like a wolf to Ulrich, more like the great maned cat one of his father's friends had kept in a cage on his land. He cut out the other lasher almost without thought as it reached for him, his focus more on Kaelin as she shook and trembled, the blooded beast beginning to recede from her eyes as Jeremiah's little pets began to crawl back to whatever plain of horror they had come from, sliding into non animated shadows and finally falling silent.

With a whoop of joy, Thorian jumped across the cavern and carved through the last two lashers with a single sweep of his sword.

"How's that?" he yelled with glee.

"Pretty good," Ulrich observed, "If you keep up the practicing, you might one day be as good as me." It was easier to tease Thorian than admit that Kaelin had scared him, she had scared him good. He had almost been joking when he had said to Black Randle about her having some blistering anger manage issues but he had forgotten just how scary it could be when she lost control. Reflecting on it, he released that she hadn't lost control since they had left the Wizard's tower and he realized that he had somehow come to the conclusion that she was better now, that she was in control and the wolf wouldn't be an issue any more. It looked as if he had been horribly, dangerously wrong. The wolf in her was still very much there and it had resented all the time she had managed to kept it on a leash, building up its anger and its rage to the point that it had taken only the right trigger point to let it out of its cage, ready to rip and tear.

"Oy!" Thorian pouted, "Who was it who just took out four of those buggers? How many did you manage? Just the two!"

"That is true but if you hadn't been lucky then you would have wound up dead when those two caught you," Ulrich flicked his sword tip towards where the managed stumps slumped in the shadows.

"Luck nothing," Thorian argued, "That was skill."

"I would have to beg to differ on that score," Jeremiah argued, stepping up, "If it wasn't for the intervention of my god then they would have been able to wrap you up piecemeal and divide you out."

Thorian frowned for a moment and then shrugged.

"Yeah, alright, I guess those noisy burgers you called up did keep them busy," he admitted, "Thanks for that my old chum!"

He slapped Jeremiah on the back so hard the priest stumbled and coughed.

"Yes well, happy to be of service and all that," he gasped, slightly winded. Ulrich had already turned away.

Kaelin was knelt on the edge of their stony perch, shaking and gasping quietly.

Ulrich knelt down beside her and took hold of her shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he asked and then shook himself, "No, that was a stupid question; are you going to be okay?"

She managed something that might have been a proto smile under other circumstances and brushed the hair back from her face.

"Not... not right now I'm not," she admitted and then grimaced at the fact that she'd just smeared goo into her hair, "But later, maybe later. Just haven't had a moment... a moment like that for a while, rather took me by surprise."

"I have to admit that those lasher things are not pleasant foes to face," Ulrich smiled at her, almost surprised that she had confessed that much to him.

"It wasn't... wasn't them," Kaelin shuddered as she admitted it, "It was those other things, the ones Jeremiah called up. Gods." She shuddered again. "I don't know what they are but they... they... they are horrors."

"I have to admit that I found them more than a little... off putting," Ulrich admitted, "I have to admit, I do seriously wonder what god our friend is worshiping because said god doesn't appear to be the one usually worshiped at that abbey."

"He has a book," Kaelin said quietly, "It's what he stole that night at the abbey. There was an alarm charm attached to it so they didn't want... Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Ulrich frowned and then his gaze was drawn to the edge of the black abyss they were by. Kaelin was on her feet and backing away, eyes fixed to the edge and Ulrich followed her.

"What's up?" Thorian asked, tilting his head over when he saw their behavior, then he sniffed. "Can you smell that?" he asked Jeremiah.

"I..." Jeremiah opened his mouth to give a cutting reply but the words died on his tongue.

Some thing, something thick but sharply pointed, with two clawed black toes came up and gripped the edge of the rocky shelf then far along, impossible far along, another reared out of the dark to grip and strain.

Hat buzzed off of Jeremiah's miter and did a series of impossible loops, thrumming with panic.

"Hat!" Jeremiah snapped as the darkness crowded in, threatening to swallow them, "Come back here!"

The moth juddered, instinct fighting with instruction but it hovered a little lower, giving them just enough light to see the cluster of great, hairy limbs at the edge had multiplied to a number not designed to comfort.

"Oh, that's not good," Thorian pulled his sword from its scabbard as the multi-jointed, clawed, black legs strained.

"Oh good sir, what thing a say," a light, melodious voice purred in the shadows. A head rose out of the shadows, crowned with a mane of long white hair that fell around the shoulders in a fetching manner. The eyes sparkled, the lips full and pouting as she laced her fingers together and rested her chin on them in a most delightful manner, elbows perched on the edge of the stone lip.

"Forgive our uncouth companion, my dear lady," Jeremiah smiled and bowed, "We did not expect to find such a vision of loveliness in this realm. Our experiences so far have lead us to look only for the bane and not have the wit to see that the dark can hold such beautiful glory such as yourself."

"You think me beautiful?" she smiled, turning her head coquettishly and laughing, a trilling, thrilling sound.

"Of course dear lady, who could not be smitten with your beauty?" Jeremiah continued, "It is as a perfect gem, shining in the darkness."

"Oh but surely you are a priest?" she brushed her fall of hair away from her dark, almost coal grey face, tucking it behind a long and pointed ear, "Are not such delights forbidden to you?"

"The... satisfaction of such base desires that interfere with my dedication to my god is forbidden to me," Jeremiah had stepped towards the lady without realizing, "But that does not forbid my admiration for such glorious elegance and grace."

She wriggled happily, wrapping her arms across her front, "Oh, tell me more." Kaelin turning her face away in disgust from where her companions had imbecilic smiles on their faces, anyone would think they hadn't ever seen a pretty lady and then she frowned, noticing the feet, if you could call them that, flexing on the edge of the stone. Her eyes flicked from the elf's beautiful face to the legs and back again. Something was not quite right here.

"Surely such a refined lady such as yourself has no need for such a thing as base flattery," Jeremiah stepped closer, smiling as if bliss already had ensured him completely and judging from his eyes it had. The other two seemed to be just as hypnotized but Thorian was frowning and he hadn't put his sword away.

"I'm not sure about this," he kept repeating, "I'm not sure at all."

"Indeed the greatest poet in the land would be hard pushed to be able to describe your merits, good lady," Jeremiah stepped closer, "The sun and moon would bow down before you and weep that they were out shone."

She smiled, gleeful mischief dancing in her eyes. She stretched out her hand to him.

She shrieked, making their heads ring like a opera singer hitting and holding a perfect note, as Kaelin's blade scoring a deep slash across one long gripping limb, the chitin parting with a sharp crack. She reared up over the edge, murder in her face and Jeremiah stumbled back with a squeal as the whole of her form came into the light.

To the waist she was a beautiful, seductive Ash Elf, who's frustrated hunger still shone through her rage. Below the waist though... Ulrich stumbled back with a exclamation of disgust.

Below the waist the bloated body of an impossibly large spider bulged and trembled, eight black, hairy legs dragging her bulk up and on to the ledge, Hat's ghostly blue glow shining off of the red hour glass shaped mark on her high humped back.

"Pathetic little vermin!" she spat baring down on Kaelin, "You dare! Do you think I don't know what you are? Dog stink! Wolf pup! I know what you are, I smell the curse curling through your veins. You think you are some how better than you sires? You are no different than they are! You are a flea, a vermin, a parasitic worm crawling through the flesh of your host!"

Jeremiah, seeing her attention was no longer on him, pressed his hands together and started whispering a pray to his god, entreating him to blind the creature to their actions, to become so lost in her own pride that she didn't consider them a threat. It worked, after a fashion.

"You are not even worthy of being a portion in my larder," the thing scuttled towards Kaelin, legs rippling. Kaelin backed up, tripped and fell and that was what saved her, the thing rearing back as Kaelin's blade came up, aimed at her venerable underbelly.

"I will drain you dry and leave your husk for the kerveads to lay their eggs in," it smiled down at Kaelin, baring fangs that shone green in the light, "How would you like that? How would you like the feel of their crawling, squirming maggots crawling in and out of your eyes sockets, soft and slimy and writhing as they nibble away at your brain and ooze out your nose, flooding from your mouth as they slip down your throat and wriggle under your skin?"

"You don't touch the Goddess!" a loud, squeaky voice squealed through the air, causing the thing to spin round, a very complicated maneuver as her legs sort to turn her and not get tangled with themselves at the same time.

Pouring over the land bridge, swarming over the lasher that tried to bar their way, a mass of goblins came flowing, rusty blades and stubby clubs waving in their hands. Leading the charge, the goblin that had asked to learn came howling, a divine war cry stretching his mouth wide.

"You dare you little vermin!?!" the Elf spider reared on to her back legs and then stamped down at the attacking goblins but they were determined to come to their Goddess' aid and they jumped and span, chopping at the clicking black columns that stamped and trampled down at them, the Elf spider screaming and spitting in a rage that still somehow appeared grotesquely endearing.

"Guess you were a naughty girl," Ulrich grinned as he lunged to the attack, "What went wrong? Matriarch discovered your plot to depose her before you were ready?"

The Elf spider shrieked and swung a leg in his direction. He ducked as it spun by over head.

"I've read about your kind see," his elf forged blade left a long cut up the next limb at swung towards her, "Your the disgraced ones, the ones who have failed." She howled and trampled forward only to be driven back, one leg cut short and trailing blood.

"You can't even have children any more to gain a little respect," Ulrich knew provoking her was a risky gamble but while she was concentrating on him, Thorian could hack at her at will, "You're barren, you're sterile and you can't even enjoy yourself any more."

The noise that broke from her throat was more of a wail and for a second Ulrich felt a little ashamed at striking so low and then she spat, the stream of venom hissing and spitting where it splattered over the rock as he ducked.

"You think I am unwanted?" she snarled, "You are a fool! Come me!"

The last words had a strange resonance that shivered and trembled in the air and then dark figures leapt from the tunnel mouth they had been trying to reach. The Elf Spider laughed then.

"You should never be making load noises in the Underworld," she grinned.

"Oh shouldn't you?" Kaelin asked and pocked the blow stick of Haggis into her mouth, blowing fit to burst. Haggis responded with a will. The goblins, who had drawn back, faces afraid, trembling at the sight of the Ash Elves and whimpering when one of them uncoiled a whip and flicked it at them, suddenly roared as one creature and charged, Thorian joining them in a charging, shrieking mass. The Ash Elves were obviously not expecting creatures who they were used to bullying and beating to rise up righteous and strike back, the one flicking out with the whip going down as half a dozen goblins piled into him and just hit and hit and hit with their little blades, shrieking and squealing the whole time.

"You scum!" another barked and slashed at the writhing, wriggling heap and several goblins went tumbling and rolling in pieces but next second Thorian's mighty sword crashed into the elf and snapped him like a damp twig.

The Elf Spider was not having any better of it, Ulrich driving her out along the stone bridge, Jeremiah muttering and mumbling as the shadows rose, groaning and crying from the rocks around him. The Elf Spider seemed to find said shadows as distressing as Kaelin had, screaming and striking out as they clustered round her, their hand prints showing up as momentary white splotches on her carapace.

"Stop it! Stop it!" she squealed, "You horrible like man! You can't do this, it's not fair!"

"All's fair in love and war," Jeremiah replied smugly as Hat came back and landed on his miter. She squealed and wailed as Haggis' music swirled and twined through the air, driving the goblins on to greater heights of strength, Thorian barreling gleefully along side them.

Used to being the biggest bullies in the play ground, used to being able to cow every other species into submission and most especially used to being able to kick goblins around as if they were worthless nothings, the Ash Elves found themselves overwhelmed and over run, the last of them falling as goblins literally climbed up them so they could hang on to elf ears with one hand while they stabbed with the other. Granted one elf went down as a goblin hung on to both ears and smacked it with his forehead, repeatedly, until there was a solid sounding crack. Thorian laughed at that one, the goblins cheering round his knees, jumping up and down on their old enemies to make sure they had won.

The Elf Spider shrieked, legs slashing at Ulrich, squealing as his elf forged blade gouged a deep injury in her side. Then he stumbled.

"You! You I shall kill, you worthless piece of filth!" she hissed, rearing up on to her back legs. Ulrich flinched and tried to roll out her way and nearly pitched himself off of the edge, stopped only just in time. He rolled back the other way as a leg crashed down where his head had been a second before. She laughed, a sound that still made him smile, even as another leg stamped down to block his path that way. Pulling himself on to his elbows, he tried to shuffle backwards, the terrible, beautiful face high above him.

With a gurgling cheer she reared on to her back legs again, front ones locking into straight spears aimed at his heart. She came down.

Ulrich flinched and closed his eyes as a gristly crunch rang out. After a moment, he realized that he wasn't in pain and he opened his eye a crack. Thorian stood over him, sword out stretched and the Elf Spider had impaled herself full length on that blade, the point piercing through her waist and buried all the way back into her spider body. A pained spasm crossed her face and she croaked. Thorian pushed her back and she tottered and then her back feet slipped off the edge of the stone bridge. With a sigh she leaned back and slid off the blade, toppling into the black abyss below, her broken form falling away into the dark below. There was no sound of her landing.

"You alright?" Thorian turned and pulled Ulrich to his feet.

"Right now, thanks to you," Ulrich nodded, "I owe you one."

"No drinks," Thorian said darkly.

"Unless its that ginger concoction at the Battered Bugle," Ulrich grinned, "See which of us winds up with the bigger bonfire in our bellies."

"I'd forgotten I'd told you about that!" Thorian slapped him on the back, "Now that sounds like a deal!"

"Yeah,"Ulrich rubbed his shoulder, "Sounds like a plan."

Jeremiah rolled his eyes and turned to where the elves lay, bloodied and still on the stone floor. Drawing himself up he started to chant. Kaelin shuddered and turned away as the shadow lined light coiled through the air and poured down the throats of the seven most intact corpses. With a creaking groan, the deceased elves rose, bodies hanging in disjointed uncomfortable poses, slack jawed and silent. The goblins squeaked and fell back, staring at the blue glow that filled the eye sockets of the elves. They chittered to each other, fingers forking in signs to drive off the evil eye.

"Blessed be the Goddess of the Thunder Voice!" Jeremiah proclaimed, "Bow to her holy name for she sends these to be your servants and slaves. Thus has the Goddess of the Thunder Voice judged them and found them wanting. They self serve out their punishment serving you. Blessed be the Goddess of the Thunder Voice."

The goblins stared at him, obviously confused by what he meant, except the one who lead them. Deep in his eyes that other presence stirred a fin.

"You," the goblin turned to the nearest elf, "Kiss my boot!" He jabbed a finger at the toe of aforementioned boot.

The elf, with no change of expression, got down its knees and did as instructed. The goblins blinked, stunned for a moment and then they burst out in a cacophony of squeaks and cried but it was a jubilant  noise, full of a laughter not heard in a goblin's voice before - relief. Kaelin opened her mouth to protest and found herself unable to kill their joy.

"Parf," Haggis said, a note of worry in his music.

"I know, I know," Kaelin stroked Haggis, lip trembling, facing down the terror that every god faces in the end - the fear of disappointing their followers. She looked at the grinning Jeremiah, the Mage of Thunder and knew, knew, that he understood that she wouldn't be able to turn the goblins away but that if it went south, if she failed to live up to their expectations, then she was the only one who would feel guilty about it.

For the first time she felt the hatred that her grandfather had often described coiling through her guts.

Draconic Shennanigans - Episode 16

Chapter Sixteen: Trips in the Dark

 "On wards dear friends," Jeremiah proclaimed gesturing grandly to the frowning mouth of the cave, "Once more into the breach we boldly go for the glory of the kingdom!"

"We few, we lucky few," Ulrich muttered as an aside.

"We band of buggered," Kaelin did not bother to keep her voice down.

"Ah come on it can't be that bad," Thorian grinned, ducking under the lip of the cave mouth, "See? You can even stand up in here."

"Oh well," Ulrich shrugged, "Might as well get on with it, the sooner we start, hopefully the sooner we will be done." He ducked in besides Thorian and looked around. The rock ways dripped with moisture and a smell of damp soil rose from the ground under their feet. The stone stretched, grey and darkening to black as it sloped gently away from them, down into Hestia, inviting the unwary into the unknown.

"Oh," said Jeremiah, "Is there not enough room in here? Shall I wait outside?"

"Oh get on with it!" Kaelin gave him a shove in the back, pushing him forward, "We haven't got all day."

Thorian strode into the darkness, humming a tune to himself as his eyes adapted to the growing gloom, Ulrich keeping pace with it.

"Allow me dear," Jeremiah beamed, "I know it is suppose to be ladies first but in dangerous situations a proper gentleman takes the risks."

"You? A proper gentleman?" Kaelin raised an eyebrow as Jeremiah stepped ahead of her, Hat swaying on the point of his miter, the giant moths blue glow brightening as the sunlight faded behind them. Kaelin had gone several paces forward when she realized that Jeremiah had put her at the back of the team, the second most dangerous location, while he took the most comfortable position of in the middle. She sighed and stepped forward.

 The gloom was only just increasing when Hat buzzed, jerking sideways, knocking Jeremiah's miter askew.

"Hat behave yourself!" Jeremiah snapped, his hands flying up to steady his head gear but Hat would not stop, pulling the miter across the tunnel, "Hat! What has..." Jeremiah's frantic turning had caused him to look up at the area Hat was so desperately trying to get away from. "Oh."

The spider dropped into the tunnel, paps twitching in anticipation. Ulrich turned at Jeremiah's yelp just as the other spider dropped down in front of Thorian.

"It's Thorian time!" Thorian yelped with glee and kicked the spider, his boot lifting the creature up and sending it spinning down the tunnel to shatter against the wall. Jeremiah struck out with his mace of office, missing the spider and knocking a hole in the floor. The spider reared back, fangs dripping and... Ulrich's blades sheered it of its legs and then relieved it of the use of its head.

"One," he said with pride, "And very neatly done."

"Does that mean I beat him?" Thorian asked.

"To the first kill of the day," Jeremiah noted, "But the final score is unclear."

"Oh," Thorian sniffed and then brightened, "Still, got the rest of the day. We can find some more friends to play with down here."

Ulrich and Kaelin just looked at each other and Ulrich slowly shook his head. Thorian's idea of 'friends' and 'play with' where worlds away from what they considered to be the definitions of those words. Kaelin frowned as the tunnel roof dripped water on her head. She stepped sideways and a drip fell on the other side of her head. She sighed the sigh of the long suffering. There was always something. Haggis let out a mournful 'parf' as the drips began to make his bag soggy.

"I am absolutely sure that we will find some more friends down here," Jeremiah smiled, "Would you like to lead on to these new friends, my dear Thorian?"

"Okey dokey," Thorian turned and stepped out with a jaunty stride, whistling a tune.

With an eye roll, Ulrich followed him and some how Jeremiah stepped just so, so that Kaelin couldn't get ahead of him. She curled her lip and made some silent hands gestures at his back, detailing what she thought of him, his ancestors and his preferences. Still karma seemed to have an idea of how to deal with him as the next spider popped out of a disguised entrance and fastened itself to Jeremiah's boot. He went over on his backside with a squawk and before the two in front of him could turn another one popped out of the floor, fangs out and gleaming.

Kaelin unslung Haggis and blew into the pipe with all her strength. The tune raised the hair on every body's body, including the spiders. They seemed to swell up and at the same moment become covered in quills like porcupines. And they attacked.

This time they didn't click, they buzzed, the noise akin to the thrum of some seriously slagged off hornets, venom not so much dripping as splashing from their fangs. The one facing Thorian and Ulrich barreled forward, knocking both of them down but they fell in different directions and the spider span, venom spraying, unable to decide which one of the them to bite first. The one that had Jeremiah by the boot scuttled backward, dragging him along as it shook his leg from side to side, snapping his knee savagely. Jeremiah yelled as his tendons stretched with the abuse.

Ulrich flipped himself on to his feet and lunged straight across the tunnel, sword held out straight before him. The spider made a horrible wet noise as the blade pierced its side and then its legs curled in on themselves as it went into spasm.

Thorian straightened with a roar and his sword scrapped sparks from the tunnel wall as it whirred through the air. The bottom half of the spider slid along the floor, slopping its yellow contents, while its top half flipped through the air and landed upside down, displaying it like an anatomy diagram.

Kaelin let out her breath as Haggis trailed off.

"Well that wasn't the reaction I expected," she admitted, "I expected them to run away."

"Yes well, my dear," Jeremiah stood and straightened his miter, "Perhaps next time you consider what would have happened if there had been more of them in hiding. As much as I appreciate your musical abilities being swarmed by your overly enthusiastic admirers doesn't strike me as a particularly fun way to spend the afternoon."

"Not to mention the fact that anything in these caves probably now know that we are here,"Ulrich observed.

"Goody gum drops!" Thorian beamed, "More fun for us!"

The others all exchanged a look and then hurried after him as the orc crossbreed swung off into the dark. They peered after him, struggling to see in the near perfect gloom as the tunnel turned to the right.

"You, Hat," Jeremiah jabbed a finger up, "Put some effort in." The limp and bedraggled moth buzzed weakly in protest but its blueish glow slowly increased and not a moment too soon as the glimmer of light shone off a bundle of thick ropes barring their path like the worse tangle of granny's knitting ever. Thorian reached out a hand to tear it aside and stepped back.

"Well that's not nice!" he said, trying to shake the stuff off of his hands. It clung. As Jeremiah stepped closer and shone more light on the mess of cables, they realized that every single rope was frayed and covered in loops and strands of fibers. Where Thorian tugged and wrenched at the one he was stuck to a groaning creaking emitted from the fibers, the sound of multiple small animals in pain. In the dark ahead something or several somethings rustled as them came creeping over the knotted mass of silk.

Kaelin's teeth chattered as her skin went cold. There were legs, far too many legs. She thought she'd seen the worst these things could do but now, faced with this hideous trap she knew that they were in the territory of their enemies. Jeremiah however, smiled.

"My turn," he said and drew himself up, chanting words that curdled in the air. The sparks flared around his fingers... and died out. He felt his God, somewhere, somehow, turn his nose up at his pleads.

In the dark ahead the spiders clicked and clacked, the noise a hair raising parody of amusement. Jeremiah inflated.

"Oh great God," he remembered to not mention the name, "Lord of all the cosmos, true King of all realities, look upon these worthless bugs that do mock your humble servant and laugh at your name. Smite them with you holy fire and cast them into the pit of your righteous wraith were they may ever suffer for their derision of your might. May their screams of agony be ever pleasing to your ears."

"I say, steady on old bean," Ulrich muttered.

The fire roared in the enclosed space, tearing through the knotted strands of silk like dragon fire through ice, the heat back blowing on their faces hot enough to steal breath, the threads withering and splitting with a cackling noise of tearing tendons. Something screamed in the sudden flaring light and then the dark came back with an abruptness that made Kaelin blink, trying to see past the purple after glare left on her vision. While she stood trying to see clearly again, something scurried off into the dark, clicking and clacking in panic.

"Well that was something," Thorian grinned and slapped Jeremiah on the shoulder, "Knew you'd get the hang of it eventually."

"Yes, well," Jeremiah recovered from his Thorian induced stumble and straightened his miter, Hat clinging to it, "Give praise to God for his bounteous help. Now on to the glory of victory in his name!"

"Right-o!" Thorian cheered and stepped out with a swinging gait, bellowing an orcish marching song that rang and echoed off the walls.

"And he dared to complain about Haggis letting everything know that we are here," Ulrich muttered as he followed along.

"Have you also noticed he rarely mentions who his God actually is?" Kaelin pointed out, "Anyone would think that he doesn't want people to know who it is that is giving him his power."

"Hum," Ulrich agreed, "You're right there, he doesn't tend to mention his God's name, though I'm sure that I heard him say something on the ship when we faced the Kraken, which could have been a name. I'm not sure though, I was rather distracted at the time."

"I can't say much for said God's taste any way," Kaelin muttered, "If Jeremiah is the best you can get, doesn't exactly encourage new followers to join the flock."

"I heard that," Jeremiah said over his shoulder.

"You were meant to, obviously," Kaelin returned.

Jeremiah opened his mouth to reply and then shut it again. The tunnel had come to an end. The cavern roof arched above them, lost in the gloom while to their right a rift opened out up in the floor, sheer sided straight down into the night eternal. The path just skirted it, passing through an arch of stone that formed a bridge leading to what appeared to be a way out. Silently the team stepped forward, peering into the dusky air, ears cocked as the sounds of something struggling came to them. They squinted round the edge of the rough stone arch.

The path passed between two sheer drops before opening out into a wide platform. In the middle of this platform the spider that had fled from them strained, literally. Long whips were wrapped around its legs, pulling and jerking it in two different directions. The spider wailed, a long hissing, sucking sound that made Ulrich shudder, as its bulk threatening to come apart in the middle.

With a gleeful yell Thorian bounded forward and brought his sword crashing down on one set of whips. They parted with a snap, fluid trailing from their ends as they arched back, the severed ends writhing and twitching on the ground, even as they were dragged along with the spider. The spider screamed as the other set of whips snapped it away to the party's right. 

"Oh God..." Jeremiah squeaked and arched his fingers in the sign to ward off the evil eye. The spider screamed again and then the stalagmite that it was being dragged towards opened a huge, glaring red eye, followed by an even larger, gaping mouth lined with needle pointed, backwards curving teeth. The spider's last scream was cut short as it met those teeth and was sucked in, shredded into oblivion with a gooey splattering noise that turned the stomach.

"Oh my..." Kaelin put her hand over her mouth, "You weren't kidding about this place, Jeremiah. I think I'm actually sorry about what I said a moment ago."

The thing glared at them, its one eye popping in its socket, its long rope like appendages lashing the air as it hissed, a volcanic sound. The ropes stilled.

"It's chosen its prey!" Jeremiah warned. The ropes cracked forward. Thorian was faster. The creature screamed as the lengths of it tentacles flopped to the floor and twitched. It screamed again, flailing at Thorian. The bright sword, snapped and cracked through the air. The thing screamed again and then quietened to moaning as it pulled what was left of its arms back, wrapping their abused lengths around itself and shutting its eye, shuddering and whimpering.

"Not so tough without yah hands... arms... legs... whatever they are, are you?" Thorian snorted. The apparent pillar of pointed stone shuddered and coiled its arms in tighter.

"Look out!" Jeremiah shrieked, jumping about a foot in the air as something lashed passed his feet. Thorian tried to leap but something latched on to one of his boots but warned by Jeremiah's shout he kept his balance, lunging forward with his free foot. He grunted as his legs strained to do the splits but he twisted his torso and hacked at the thing round his ankle. It snapped with the thrum of a parting cable. Something in the dark growled and a red scowling eye opened to fix on Thorian. Like the nest of Medusa, ropes reared up round it. This one seemed to have learnt from the fate of its rival; instead of coming at Thorian in a mass the ropes, they lashed one after another, cracking through the air with the noise of bull whips.

Kaelin already had the blowpipe in her mouth. Haggis' drone echoed round the cavern, counterpoints and harmonies building themselves as her fingers wove speed and agility into Thorian's muscles, his sword appearing to be every where in the gloom all at once.

The thing squalled and the tendrils retreated, their bleeding tips leaving trails across the floor. It glared at them for a moment more and then its eyes snapped shut and it became as still as stone, resolutely ignoring their existence.

"Interesting place," Ulrich observed and tossed a stone over the edge of the rift to their right. The Jeremiah and Kaelin froze, waiting for some horror to decide that it could put up with the noise but having stone thrown at it was just too much. They waited and waited... and waited some more. And some more. And some more after that.

No noise echoed up from the depths and nothing came crawling up out of the depths.

Jeremiah sighed with relief and then turned to look at the walls.

"Anyone see a way out of here?" he asked.

"Well back that way is the way we came in," Ulrich gestured, "Over there, between the members of our welcoming committee is what appears to be a tunnel entrance. Over there is a short cut across the bottomless pit to the path that crosses over the bridge we just past through to what looks like another exit up there. Or we can go the long way round the other edge, which gives us the option of the third exit or carrying on passed that to crosses the bridge."

"A right swirl of a spaghetti tangle," Jeremiah observed.

"What's spaghetti?" Thorian frowned.

"A foreign dish," Jeremiah explained, "Looks like a pile of string but doesn't taste half bad if you can put up with the fiddle it takes to eat it."

"Oh," Thorian sniffed and thought about, "Prefer meat, mah self. You can't go wrong with a good bit of roast meat."

"Unless you burn it," Ulrich chipped it.

"Depends how burnt," Thorian replied, "Burnt on the outside and still soft on the inside can be great."

"True," Ulrich agreed, "True."

"Any way, my dear," Jeremiah interrupted the discussion, addressing Kaelin, "Which way do you think we should go?"

Seeing as it was almost polite, especially after she'd made fun of him, Kaelin actually gave it some thought.

"That one," she pointed at the one closest.

"Lead on then, Sir Thorian," Jeremiah proclaimed grandly, his voice echoing in the chamber, "May you righteously smite anything that stands in our way!"

"Rightly-o!" Thorian beamed and stepped out, boots stomping across the stone. In the gloom to the left side of the entrance way a thin slither of red started opening up, peering cautiously at the group as they approached.

Thorian turned his head and let loose a bellowing roar that bounced and rolled around the cavern, humming among the stalactites and thrumming through the stones beneath their feet.

The red eye snapped opened, staring wide and horrified at them. The mouth opened and then it screamed. It screamed and it screamed and it screamed, a shrill screech that pierced through the air like a talon trying to cut through glass. The ropes leaped up from where they trailed across the path and flashed back to curl round the body of the thing.

It quivered and shook, whimpering and sobbing. The group stared at it. After a moment it peeped at them through its tentacles. Realizing that they were still there, it squealed again and hugged itself even tighter, blubbering like a baby.

After a moment, Ulrich pocked Thorian in the side and pointed to the tunnel entrance. Slowly and carefully they sidled towards it, keeping half an eye on the trembling mess of a thing as it cried. Kaelin paused a moment, biting her lip and then shook her head, turning into the tunnel. She hated leaving anything in that sort of condition, it sounded... gods it sounded like some of her Grandfather's play things but she was also sure it would have eaten her if it had the chance.

She turned her face away from it... and discovered that Jeremiah had managed to bag himself the middle point on the team again. She huffed and stomped along at the back, wondering when the view was going to change.

The tunnel angled away into the gloom, curling to the left this time and gradually the sound of the things distress quietened and fell behind them. Kaelin was glad, it was much more restful listening to the hush and sigh of the falling... Kaelin lifted her head. It wasn't water, the sound was too thick and slow for that but it didn't have the texture of falling snow either. Kaelin frowned. How could snow be falling down here any way? That was ridiculous. No the sound was definitely fluid but not water, it was more like slow bubbling mud, a sort of slow oozing. Maybe of molasses, perhaps, or something equally thick and...

Kaelin turned her head in time to see the last of the thick black gunk splat into the corridor behind her,  ropes of it still clinging to the ceiling, thick as her wrist, black as treacle.

"Um, guys," she took a step backwards away from it, "We may have trouble!"

The puddle heaped up in the middle, bulging upwards as if something under its surface was trying to escape, to burst forth back into the realm of light and air.

"What is it now, my dear Kaelin," Jeremiah said turning, "Surely we need to get on, not be distracted by hearing ghosts in the dark behi...."

The bulging, bubbling mass began to ooze towards them, its surface rippling like the foot of a snail.

"Run! Oh Holy Gods! Run!" Jeremiah yelled, trying to barge passed Ulrich and Thorian. For a moment they all wedged in the corridor. Kaelin screamed as she felt herself start to sink, the acrid stink making her eyes water as her boot heels began to dissolve. The jam ahead popped through the narrow gap and then they were all running pell mell down the tunnel of stone, the black oozing mass coming after them.

Kaelin felt all her hair stand up on end as she realized that she could hear it hissing after them, not the angry hiss of a snake or the hiss of breath, just a chemical hiss of solid matter being dissolved away. Ahead Thorian slipped over and yelped as he cracked his knee caps on the floor. Jeremiah would have simply leapt right over him and kept running but Ulrich stopped to help Thorian up and blocked his flight.

"Hurry! Hurry!" Jeremiah yelled, hands shoving and pushing as he stared back over his shoulder at the creeping sludge that inched ever closer, as unstoppable as a tide. Thorian scrambled at the floor, boots struggling to find traction and Kaelin's breath whistled short as she saw that the floor was as smooth and as slick as if it had been polished. She clenched her teeth to stop them chattering as the vile sludge oozed ever closer. For a second, a second, she thought she saw her Grandfather's wicked face in it, features distended and warped by the softening property of his new flesh but still leering at her with profane desire as he reached out a wave of blackened muscle to claim back his rightful property.

"Klu'gath'nath spare me! Have mercy!" Jeremiah cried out, apparently seeing something else in the rippling surface of the ooze. Then Thorian found his feet and they lurched as a single entity down the corridor, Jeremiah gabbling prayers for protection and deliverance as they went. He seemed the the only one who had breath to as the tunnel twisted back on itself, the ooze splashing up the wall as it rounded the corridor after them.

"I always knew you hated me father but didn't know you'd go this far," Ulrich gasped as they fled, elbows scrapping on the walls, slipping and sliding, bumping and bruising, the hissing, stinking mass at their heels all the time, scouring the floor smooth with its acid touch.

Finally, finally, as the tunnel swung to the left again, they started making space between them and the horror squirming along behind them, the black mass falling behind. As they burst out into the cave beyond the noise of its hissing finally receded back into the darkness before them and they stumbled to a halt, fighting to drag breath into their lungs. Even Thorian was shaking with the chill that affected them all.

"That was a meanie," he said, "That was the meaniest meanie ever!"

"Ugh, did anyone else think that they saw," Ulrich sniffed and straightened, "Saw someone who didn't treat them very well?"

"More like a monster who treated everyone as a play thing and a snack," Kaelin shuddered one more time and pulled herself up, "I think it might have been something about that thing. It was throwing our greatest fears at us, trying to make us panic, maybe make us fight each other to get away. If we'd lost it completely, if we'd fought each other, thrown each other under the wheels to get away, it could have had us all."

"A truly unpleasant possibility, my dear Kaelin, and I dare say you are right," Jeremiah tugged his robes back into position, "But thankfully it under estimated our friendship and loyalty for one another. Indeed we can count this as a grand victory over the forces that seek to divide us as drive us apart. As long as we stand together, there is nothing in these caverns that we need fear!"

"What ever you say old bean," Ulrich raised his eyebrows but found himself smiling at the same time. It was just such a beautiful day, perfect weather for the party in the garden. You almost had to wonder if the gods had blessed this day just for him.

"Can anyone else smell that?" Kaelin asked, wrinkling her nose most fetchingly. She really was quite adorable when she did that. When that little tip tilted nose wrinkled like that he just wanted to boop it gently and see if she would smile.

"Nothing more than fleshly mown grass my dear," he smiled, "The gardeners were hard at work this morning to make the gardens the best that they can be for the party."

The other three stared at him and Kaelin was so beautiful when she frowned.

"Er is his eyes supposed to be like that?" Thorian asked quietly.

"Somehow I really don't think so," Jeremiah admitted with a small smile, "I wonder what on Hestia could have brought this on."

"I'll give you three guesses," Kaelin turned and looked at the contents of the cavern.

"I have to admit that I've never been that good at... Hat come back here!" Jeremiah snapped as Hat lifted off his miter and went looping off through the cavern, his glowing trail lost amidst the slowly pulsing shine that fall from what was growing there.

"Well they're cool," Thorian nodded his head. Hat buzzed back, wings loaded with the glittering particles that were tumbling from the gills on the underside of the mushrooms huge caps. The giant, undead Moth rocked and shivered in the air, legs flapping in ungainly twitches and jerks.

"Hat, come here!" Jeremiah jabbed a finger at the point of his miter. Hat landed on top of one of the giant mushrooms that glowed a faint, glittering lime green and bounced, before waving his front legs at Jeremiah. If it was possible he had the biggest, buggiest grin on his face ever.

"Yes Admiral," Ulrich waved back, "The estate was in some of a state when I inherited it. My father, though he possessed many admirable traits such as appreciation for object de art, did not seem to believe in spending money on improvements to the grounds. I hope that, with the appropriate care, I will be able to improve the view of the landscape to some degree."

"Er, what is he talking about?" Thorian scratched his ear.

"It seems that our dear friend has some ambitions to inherit a large trait of land," Jeremiah explained, "And the delightful mushrooms in this place seem to have convinced his brain that his dreams have become reality."

"So you don't think that they would be good for eating?" Thorian asked, looking at a cluster of small yellowish ones.

"No, no definitely not," Jeremiah advised, "If just breathing in the spores are enough to send our friend off to happy land then I dread to think what eating them could do. Though if we experimented a little and did some discovering, then perhaps, just perhaps, we could discover something that would smooth our way to..." Jeremiah trailed off, a look of raw hunger passing across his features and it wasn't hunger for food.  Kaelin swallow through a suddenly dry throat. She'd seen that look far too many times. She'd seen it on her grandfather's face and her father hadn't been much better. Something moved in the shadows behind her and she span, fist striking out, not with a round house punch but a straight blow from the shoulder... that smashed through the pulpy stem of a mushroom and cracked her knuckles on the wall of the cavern. She yelled and cradled her bleeding knuckles to her chest, the pain driving the spores effects from her head.

"I would be careful with the roses, Kaelin," Ulrich advised, "Some of them can become a little bit frisky. I'm afraid a great Uncle used to be into experimental breeding and was trying to create a strain that would have self defense capabilities, for protection against aphids and that sort of thing. I believe that one of the gardeners actually quit after he lost his ring finger to one of them, though Aunt Em always seemed to get on with them quite well. Still Aunt Em once stood up in front of a rampaging Minotaur and made it ashamed of its behavior. I believe it guarded the main gate of her estate for many years after that, not that her husband always appreciated the jokes that went round after that, particularly as the youngest of my cousins was known for being bull headed."

"I can imagine," Kaelin forced her voice to be level, "Would you mind showing us your lovely estate? I'm sure I'll be delighted to see all the improvements you mean to make."

"Absolutely," Ulrich took her uninjured hand and tucked it though his arm, "This way. I'm sure you'll love the garden party, I've been planning this affair for months. If nothing else it is a way to make my half brother's absolutely green. Oh which, reminds me, I would love it if you could meet my little sister Priscilla. I know the name is an absolute monster but I think you'd get on like... like... well, iron and a lode stone. The rest of us will probably have to run and hide."

Thorian frowned, mouth flapping open. Kaelin waved at him with her injured hand and he thankfully got the idea that she meant he was supposed to lead the way through the swaying mushrooms. Hat tottered to the edge of the mushroom cap and fell off, bouncing with what suspiciously sounded like a squeak on to the one below, where upon he rolled down the next three and landed on the floor, sending a fountain of spores up into the air, where they fell in a sparkling curtain of rainbows that rippled and billowed across their path. The scent of vanilla filled their nostrils followed by the scent of summer strawberries.

Kaelin suppressed a sneeze as Ulrich prattled on about the people at the garden party that didn't exist, Jeremiah stumping along behind them. She managed to smile to please Ulrich and keep him moving but the edges of a headache ran clawed fingers through her hair, grinning with a beak full of teeth that were not made to reassure.

It turned out to be a good thing that Thorian was leading them as he pushed between two giant mushrooms that were a very interesting blue color with yellow dots, snapping one of them off in the process, causing the centipede that was grazing in the mushroom meadow beyond lifted its head, clicking a horror show mouth in his direction.

"Whoopee!" Thorian grinned and changed. The centipede reared back, mouth gaping wide, fangs spread wide to embrace its prey. Thorian leapt and his blade crashed down on the centipede's head, splitting it like a log from mandibles to the third body segment in one go. Its antennae went on flicking for a few moments and then fell still. Thorian kicked it off his blade.

"How's that?" he cried turning to the others.

Ulrich politely applauded as Thorian stretched up to tree top level and then tied himself into a very complicated pretzel for the entertainment of the guests. Turning he passed a polite comment to the Dowager Duchess of Esongard about where he found such entertainers these days.

"This is going to take for ever," Kaelin rubbed her eyes. That headache was beginning to push its talons into the back of her skull, its bony chin digging into her shoulder, "Jeremiah do you think that you could see about helping me get him out of here?"

Silence was the only replied.

"Jeremiah?" she turned, dreading what she was going to find. It wasn't quite as bad as she expected, not quite. Jeremiah was still there, which was the part that was better than she expected but he was grinning, a very fixed and horrible grin that was spreading across his face like a slow red tide.

"Uh oh!" Kaelin said and ducked on instinct.

Jeremiah drew himself up and thrust his hands forward.

"All bow to the might of Klu'gath'nath!" Jeremiah bellowed, spit flying from his lips, "All hail to the mightiest of the Heavenly host! The unbeatable! The unconquerable! The glory of the Heavens! The Celestial Triumphant! Give homage to Klu'gath'nath and beg that he spares you, you worthless fools!"  The froth was red tinged now, Jeremiah's gums bleeding with the force of that reality bending name.

The headache stabbed through Kaelin's skull and her vision doubled. She was on her knees and couldn't remember how she got there.

"Bow! Bow before the power of Klu'gath'nath and he may spare your miserable existence!" Jeremiah's pupils were blown wide open, dark and rippling power gathering around his hands, "Behold his glory and tremble!"

The power arched and slammed into the ground, the skeleton's erupting a second later, bones creaking and cracking with the power that was being forced into them.

"Thus shall we win glory!" Jeremiah continued ranting, "Thus shall we serve Klu'gath'nath! Only in our service to him to we have purpose! Only in our submission to his every will and decree do we have a right to exist! None are worthy! None are deserving of life unless it is to serve him with every heart and will and sinew! Wrenched and damned are those who refuse his decrees!"

Ulrich frowned when the cup of tea he raised to his lips was revealed to be empty. He frowned as he peered down. He could have sworn that the cup should have been half full. The cup wasn't there. He looked up to ask the Dowager Duchess to excuse him and she wasn't there either, instead a four foot high bright indigo mushroom with pink gills stood in her place. Ulrich shook his head, wondering how he'd suddenly been transported to this hole under the ground.

"Beg Klu'gath'nath for his forgiveness for your worthless existence!" Jeremiah ranted, "Beg that he may find some use for you so that you are not cast into the fire pit were he flings his rubbish!"

That name punched through the haze in Ulrich's head alright, that was a powerful counter to what ever spell had been caste on him, not that it seemed to be helping its utterer any. Jeremiah was swaying on the spot, dribbling at the edges as behind him seven skeletons gathered armloads of the brightest, most incandescent mushrooms that Ulrich had ever seen. Ulrich swallowed back a strange rising sensation in his stomach. All of a sudden he really didn't feel well. His stomach felt as if it was full of... rainbows, yes definitely rainbows. It really wasn't comfortable.

"Give eternal glory to Klu'gath'nath! Give him homage for your freedom! Known that without him you would be a food for the predators form the deeps! You would be nothing but food for those that slime and crawl in the depths, your memories would be as fodder for their appetite and hunger! Bow before your savior Klu'gath'nath!"

"Will someone stop him saying that name?" Thorian groaned. His face could not go green to show his distress, instead it had gone an awful shade of grey. Kaelin groaned in agreement where she knelt on the floor, arms wrapped over her head, the headache joyfully drilling into her brain. If the horrid thing would just let go of her nerves for a moment she might be able to think of a way to make Jeremiah shut up. She shuddered, just thinking that was enough to make the headache dig its claws in a little deeper.

Ulrich marched across to the frothing, bellowing priest and snatching his miter from his head, he stuffed it into Jeremiah's mouth. Not that the priest showed any signs of noticing, continuing to rant and rave at his imaginary captive audience but now the words where blessedly muffled by the cloth shoved between his teeth and that mind warping name was no longer audible.

Kaelin sighed as the headache released the pressure on her skull just slightly. Any relief was better than no relief at all.

"Oh that's better," Thorian rubbed his ears, restoring some of their green colour, "I don't know who's he's talking about but I wish he would stop it, it gives me the goosies."

"Yeah," Kaelin agreed as she stood, "Now can we get out of here? I have the burger all of a headache and I've have quite enough of breathing rainbows."

"Oh," Ulrich's face twisted, "Please don't mention rainbows."

"Have to admit that there doesn't seem to be any more friends round here so I'm happy to go," Thorian nodded and turned towards the exist to the right of where they had come in, although in this cavern it was difficult to tell. "You coming?" he asked as Kaelin didn't immediately follow.

"How are we going to move him?" she asked, gesturing to where Jeremiah stood, his miter gradually becoming some what soggy as he dribbled through it.

"Thorian old boy, help me with this would you?" Ulrich walked up behind Jeremiah and laid his hands on the priest's shoulders. Jeremiah didn't resist, nor seem to really notice, his pupils were that wide open his eyes appeared to be completely black.

"Grab his shoulders," Ulrich instructed as Thorian walked over and once the orc crossbreed had done so Ulrich hooked Jeremiah's feet out from under him. "Steady as he goes," Ulrich smiled as they lower Jeremiah over on to his side, "Now then."

With that Ulrich started rolling Jeremiah over the floor towards the tunnel entrance, whistling as he went, while Jeremiah bumped and bounced, not unlike a rather large butter barrel. Thorian marched along beside them, singing a rollicking song about moving ale casks and the drinking that followed. The orc crossbreeds eyes were beginning to dilate but he seemed to have merely become as high as kite. With a sigh of relief Kaelin stumbled after them, little lights flickering at the edge of her vision. Hat crawled along at the back of the group, wings buzzing ineffectively at the ground, his sense of direction not entirely steady.

Jeremiah rolled and bowled along the tunnel until, with a final shove from Ulrich he bounced down into the next cavern, a small rather plain affair of bare brown stone. Jeremiah lay there upon his back for several minutes as Thorian bounced around the cave, body literally buzzing with excess energy, then quite suddenly Jeremiah sat up, mumbled for a moment and then spat his miter out.

"Just who was it that thought it was a brilliant idea to shove that in my mouth?" he demanded, "If you have stained the fabric then I am going to be very upset!"

"Who thought it was a brilliant idea to go on a full on radical preacher and start denouncing such little things like, oh I don't know, try breathing without your God's permission?" Ulrich folded his arms and lent back against the wall of the cavern wall.

"Not to mention using a name, word, whatever it was, that nearly makes everyone's ears bleed," Kaelin groused, massaging her skull and then gasped with relief as her headache suddenly went pop and vanished, giving her an almost light headed feeling and the relief in her neck! She gingerly moved her head around to make sure that the little beast wasn't going to latch on to her again.

"My dear Kaelin," Jeremiah smiled, "You should know that there is no such word in existence. Words are only methods of communication."

"Says the man who's lips are bleeding right now," Ulrich grinned and then staggered, hands clutching his head.

"Hey up, you alright?" Thorian asked, his bouncing slowly coming to a stop.

"Agh, no, not really!" Ulrich groaned, "Feels as if my brain is being rung out through my ears. Is that even physically possible?"

"I guess that karma is telling you that ruining someones hat is a..." Jeremiah climbed to his feet and stopped, a pained whimper escaping him after a moment. It wasn't just his brain being rug out, it was his whole body and Jeremiah had a lot of body to be rung. He panted harshly and sweat broke out over his forehead, trickling down his face.

"That and what are you going to do about your little friends?" Kaelin asked, jabbing a thumb back down the tunnel they had just escaped from.

An inarticulate noise escaped Jeremiah's throat.

"I said, what about your friends?" Kaelin asked again.

Jeremiah's replied wasn't made up of words, more little proto words that existed before words had evolved.

"Gargh.... Nargh... Hargh," he managed to get out and then some how managed to turn and look back up the tunnel.

Four skeletons trooped along, baring armloads of mushrooms, their faint glow lighting up the bones that held them. The drunken Hat only just managed to scuttle out of the way of their clicking feet. Behind them three skeletons staggered under the weight of a mushroom taller than they were. As the party watched the cap began tilting back and forth.

"Parght... hittttt.... clown," Jeremiah instructed, still sweating cobs. The mushroom swayed and swayed again, osculating back and forth across the tunnel, dragging the skeletons that were trying to hold it up in its wake.

"I said, put it down," Jeremiah tried again... too late.

The mushroom swayed, the mushroom quivered, the mushroom fell. The noise could only be described as sploosh!

Mushroom splashed across the floor, the walls, even the ceiling, drenching the three luckless skeletons and splattering their companions.

Kaelin snorted, Ulrich suppressed a snigger and Thorian out right laughed. With a growl of annoyance Jeremiah snapped his fingers and the three skeletons crumbled into dust, or rather gloop. He swung his pack off his back and dug through it to find a sack. Swinging the patch back on to his back, he advanced on the skeletons and held the sack open. Without a word the skeletons deposited their burdens into the sack. Jeremiah snapped his fingers once more and they crumbled into dust. He yanked the drawstring closed and turned to his still smiling companions. Even Kaelin wasn't as sulky as she usually looked.

"And what, may I ask, is so funny?" Jeremiah demanded.

"Nothing, Jerry, nothing at all," Ulrich said absolutely straight faced.