Sluts

That's the word that has been doing the rounds in the media again this year, in connection to Milney Cyrus.

I don't like the term.  It has a very bad meaning.  I'm sorry but it does.  If a girl is deemed a slut then all she cares about is sex, sex and more sex.  It's a case of you don't even have to have the right moves, if your males she'll spread her legs.

Quite frankly, it's disgusting, the meaning of that word that is.

It seems that any woman who is open about the fact that she is a sexual creature, that she has needs for physical contact, that she enjoys or talks about or simulates or even 'invites' sex is a slut who wouldn't say no, or if she does then it's only a joke.  How you 'invite' sex depends on which misogynist you are talking to but is not limited to your clothes, your make-up, whether you are drunk or if you are saying no.  I had an experience in High School where the more I said no the more they put their hands where they weren't wanted.  Considering I wore dress that reached at least my knees in an effort to stop that sort of thing you would think that I would not be 'slut' material but apparently if you say no then you are a slut who's giving the come on.  Thankfully I have developed a good set of lungs over the years and when the enraged shrieks started drawing attention to the boys loos where they had dragged me they decided to leave off.

And that's the major problem.  We were meant to have a sexual liberation when we went through the sixties and seventies but I'm sorry, we are still stuck in the same old cycle where boys are encouraged by various medias to think of girls as 'only good for just one thing' and any woman who speaks up against this is shouted down as being 'unable to take a joke'.

Woman should be able to be open about the fact that we are sexually alive and active creatures but any woman who does speak out about the fact that she's had more than one sexual partner risks being judged as 'demeaning sex itself' rather than a real live human being.

Then people wonder why hordes of young girls go crazy over boy bands.  Most are too young for the mad wanting to be labelled 'lust', its the safety of a boy band crush.  By fixating on someone securely unobtainable you get to practise all the wildness of desire without making too many mistakes, embarrassing yourself too badly or hurting anyone too much.

What does it say about me that when I caught up with my peer group my crushes were always on the older actors?  Maybe that I'm drawn to maturity more than most.

But anyway, the question remains of why do we keep pretending that 'sexualisation' is something forced on girls from the outside?  Yes, I agree that twelve years old shouldn't go out wearing skirts so short they are non-existent but when you get to eighteen talking about desire and sex and relationships should be considered normal and natural.

It's a disservice to both genders that girls are still being taught that boys 'only want one thing and they mustn't give it'.  Sex stops being a collaborative pleasure and becomes a thing of take and very little give because while girls are being taught that the only 'consent' they are allowed is the ability to say no, boys are being taught that 'affection equals sex'.

Both my relationships suffered and ultimately broke down because of the 'affection = sex' syndrome.  I'm sorry but there is a lot more to a relationship than how often you are in bed.  Every kiss and touch and cuddle does not need to end with his hands in your pants and your hands in his.

Affection is the little things, like hugging you while you are washing up, giving him a kiss while his working on the computer, sitting with your sides touching when you are having a read in the evening.  This affection!  Yes affection is part of sex but sex is not the whole of affection.

This is where we are going wrong, we are teaching about sex and contraception in school (so again, a girl can say 'no') but we are not teaching about affection and we are certainly not teaching about how to build long lasting relationships.

As far as I can see, while this one sided education goes on, women who are open about their sexual desires are going to continue to be called 'sluts' and girls who say 'no' are going to continue being ignored.