What is the most annoying malaise that could possibly affect you in the modern First World. Oh let's see (clue there) not being able to drive because of co-ordination difficulties? Well that's one that affects me but normally I can work round it thanks to the invention of buses, or if I'm really desperate and have the money (not often) taxis.
Not being able to hold down a job because by the time I recovered from a post-school mental break down I was needed as a full time carer for my mother and now that we finally have people around us that can take that responsibility off my shoulders, I'm way past the age that anyone would consider giving me a first job? Yeah up to my neck in that one but I'm trying to find a way around it by becoming self employed.
Coming home at the end of a day trying to convince people to buy my stuff and wanting to sink into the floor and never be seen again, while the Autistic child in my head screams at the top of her lungs, loud enough to block out all thought? Yeah that one is a difficult one, especially as people don't see just how hard it is for me to stand there and do the whole 'talk to strangers' thing, when all the time, I have a little voice in the back of my head saying 'Mummy says 'never talk to strangers." Yeah I know it sounds stupid but I am Autistic, we take to heart what we are told, especially if it is a boundary because part of us is desperate for a structure to make sense out of the world around us and another part, once we hit school age, hopes that if we obey all the boundaries then people will like us. Why else put a boundary there unless to say 'all those on this side we like, all those on that side we don't'? I can fully understand one Autistic man's story - he went mute after moving school because in his old school he talked and nobody liked him, in his new school he didn't talk the first day and everybody was nice to him. Conclusion - if you don't talk people like you. I can fully understand that and if I'd thought that it would have worked, I'd have done the same thing but in my schools if you didn't talk you had the piddle taken out of you for 'being a freak'.
However, beyond all of this I'd say the most annoying malaise has to be getting conjunctivitis nearly every time I take five minutes out of the jobs to play a computer game and have some fun. It's not like I have that much time to have fun and soon I'll have even less so being bittern when I do manage to have some fun is not appreciated. That and it means that I have to take it easy on other computer work for days afterwards so it even slows down my job and all. Sigh.
Still the show must go on and the softback version of 'The Return of a Nagus' should be back on sale in the next week. Check out the shop page for updates.
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