The After Effects

It has been a year since my Mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  The course of treatment was the hardest that any form of cancer has and was so intensive if the cancer ever comes back they will not be able to treat her any further.  However, I have found the time since the new year the hardest to deal with.

Because her treatment included the removal of most of her lymph system from the chest down, her immunity system is just about shot.  This resulted an infection that has damaged the tubes between her kidney and her bladder.  In turn this has caused her kidney problem and she is right now downstairs with yet another major kidney infection.

She was sent home from the hospital yesterday after two lots of antibiotics in the vein with oral antibiotics but she has been slipping in and out of true wakefulness today so I am continually worried that I am going to go downstairs to find a stiff.  However, I have been reassured that going back into hospital will not make much difference in her care.  How come that doesn't really reassure?

I'm beginning to wonder what is worse - the cancer, which would have killed her, or the after effects of the treatment, which seem to be in the process of killing her.  Everyone seems to know that cancer will kill you, nobody tells you that the treatment for said cancer can kill you just as painfully as the disease that it is meant to fight.

How can you feel that you have so many words in your head you cannot think them into a straight line but when it comes to putting them down on the page your mind suddenly goes blank?

I suppose the main purpose of this blog post is to say that if my posts are as not as regular or up to quality as they were over the last year then this is why - I'm stressed out, over worked and over whelmed.

I thought that once the treatment was over and the cancer diagnosed as being in full remission life was meant to start to getting better, not worse but it is most definitely getting worse.  You can tell because I can't even use this blog to escape my own troubles at the moment.  Not a good sign.