Well we made it back from the UK Games Expo alive and slightly richer. Not a lot richer mind you, between printing expenses and the stand and the hotel, there wasn't a lot left over. However, I haven't completely emptied my bank account to do it and enough people bought my book that it will hopefully swiftly recover. If any one ever tells you that writing or art is a get rich quick solution then laugh in their faces because they are either lying, ridiculously ignorant (at which point sarcasm is the best remedy) or a total imbecile.
However, I have been well reminded that autism, be that the full grown thing or Asperger Syndrome, is not a disease that one can recover from, it is a life long condition that rears its ugly head the moment that you are either trying your best to enjoy yourself or need to control yourself the most.
I do not think that I possess a muscle in my upper back and shoulders at this moment in time that do not feel that I have been repeatedly pushed over in a Games lesson. Yes that did used to happen to me in school, usually the pushing was done by someone who had spent the morning convincing me that they were my friend and that when they pushed me over it was 'just a laugh' and that 'I couldn't take a joke'. Then people wonder why Narkre Victor is such a frakked up character, how do you think I dealt with being betrayed all the time? I had to do something or go bat shite crazy, probably bat shite crazy with a knife, or maybe just my fists.
I did manage to keep the Screaming Girl (my name for the Autistic side of my nature) under control for the duration of the trip and managed to talk with those that came asking questions. I even managed to engage a fair number of people who where in the process of walking past the stand. You'll be surprised what a 'hello, feel free to browse' does. Anyone would think that I was laying out the crown jewels, the way most people wouldn't pick the books up to have a read of the back.
However, I paid and am still paying for maintaining my mask of normalcy. To start with one of my symptoms of my condition is a misaligned hip. Not only does that mean that I have to work extra hard not to be so clumsy that, when I was at school, the teachers could explain away the bruises as my own work rather than the presents of my classmates but it also means that my hips, knees, ankles and feet have all grown out of alignment. Even with insoles from the gate clinic, which I will admit I wear through them fairly fast, walking or standing for any length of time leaves me in enough pain that I have to fight not to start screaming. I know exactly why they flog you on the soles of your feet in some countries, you don't actually have to do a lot of damage to the feet to make the person wish that they had never been born, let alone wish they did what they have done.
By the end of three days standing behind a stall (people don't notice you if you sit down) the pain was tracking all the way up into the small of my back and my feet felt like they had been battered and deep fried. No, seriously deep fried. They actually burnt.
That, strangely enough, has been the swiftest of my aches to go. The aches in my upper back, shoulders and neck have yet to depart. They have resisted rubbing, hot and cold treatment and standing under a scolding hot shower at high pressure. Then there is the fact that Screaming Girl is riding extremely high in my head. Just this morning I missed the bus for work and she clambered into the drivers seat. Thankfully these days her first instinct is to head for safety and since I was only at the end of the road I made it home toot sweet. It still took me about ten minutes to pry her out of the driving seat and retake control. I haven't had that long a reboot time in ages.
I'm guessing that until Screaming Girl has had enough time to settle down and stop clambering all over the inside of the car I'm going to have to put up with the aches and pains in my back and shoulders. I just wish the car in question wasn't my body.
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